Look of the moment: Western
Take your style tips from the Ponderosa. Big Hoss was smokin’ in more ways than one.
By Chaniga Vorasarun
I know what you’re thinking. No one in a blue state would be caught dead in Western style clothes. You’re thinking that this look was acceptable for one hot minute when interior design favored Southwestern caftans and dream catchers hung from your peach stucco ceiling. You’re thinking, there is no way anyone would wear this unless it was accompanied by a barbecue stain on their white t-shirt. (No, I do not listen to Tim McGraw. I got that reference from an annoyingly ubiquitous ad campaign for a local country radio station.)
Blue-Staters take note! I’ve walked these streets of New York City…and lo! In this state of truest blue (deferring only during this election maybe to Massachusetts), I have seen our kind robed in the enemy’s garb!…and to be honest, it looks hot, people. However! Do not take this advice as carte blanche to bedazzle your entire wardrobe. Western is hot (and gender neutral!), but it really only works in certain confined ways:
Western shirts.
Maybe because cowboys used to work in these or something, but this shirt (especially with sleeves rolled) makes everyone look ruddy and tough, on the inside and out. It says, "I fell out of a haystack and threw this on, but I just happen to smoke it when I do."
There are some pitfalls you should be aware of when searching for your western shirt, however. The essentials of a true western shirt are the snap buttons (because cowboys had to whip those puppies off FAST when they were diving for drowning calves). Sometimes, there can be an accented line of piping going across the chest or flowers on the back. That’s all fine and dandy, but if there are no snap buttons, basically what you are looking at is a flannel. And by my estimates, those won’t be coming back for at least a year when the fashionistas discover that Seattle Music and Co. are making a comeback.
Cowboy boots.
I swear to you I am not making this suggestion based on permed Texan moms who wear culottes and pair the boots with their fringed denim vest on their way to a girls’ night out.
I am also not making this suggestion based on the minor revival these boots had with daughters of aforementioned culotted moms who moved to Seattle in 1996, became trendily morose after Grunge’s heyday and wore these boots with their Martika haircuts, jean skirts and faux-religious and oversized cross necklaces.
That said, girls now CAN wear them with skirts. Just beware the pairing of these boots with the above accessories. Girls can also try hastily stuffing jeans into them. The key word there being HASTILY. There should be some bunching and sticking out because the essence of the Western look lies in its very indifference towards the esthetic quality of the garment. Its origin was all utility. Think about it: cowboys used to wear these when wrangling cattle and eating beans and cigarettes for breakfast. Also, try these with cutoff shorts in the summer. Please remember to stay on this side of fashion’s Mason-Dixon line for this one or you’ll just look like trash. And not the good kind. I’m talkin’ ‘bout the trailer kind.
For guys, please go easy on this look. Unless you are very fashionable and/or openly gay, cowboy boots only look good if you go very, very casual with the rest of your outfit. Think: tight hoodies and even tighter jeans.
- Western hankies.
And you thought these were only good for robberies. Actually, this looks best worn like you’ve just pulled the greatest heist of the century and pulled the handkerchief down to reveal your slyest, most winning face.
As with anything, the key to this look is not overdoing it. You really WILL look like you voted Republican if you wear all three of these at once. But when worn sparingly, you can undermine that traditionally Red State outfit and make it yours! And while you’re doing that, I’ll be over here twiddling my maniacal Mr. Burns’ fingers as my plan takes shape to liberalize this country via subversive Western wear.
REFERENCES
The western shirt is from this site:
http://sazzvintage.com/Merchant2/merchant.mvc?Screen=CTGY&Store_Code=SVC&Category_Code=1WS
The pic of the cowboy boots is from Vice Magazine.
http://www.viceland.com/issues/v11n11/htdocs/dos.php
