Happy Valentines Day,
With Love, from your local retailer...

I was listening to the radio the other day when a curious advert came on. It was the tale of a mans plight to woo his girlfriend on St. Valentines Day;

"Here you go, a box of chocolates from Tesco and a bunch of red roses from the petrol station" he said triumphantly.

The girlfriend packed her bags and walked out. The advert was to promote a local florist selling roses for the special day (which, I hasten to add was at the time still ages away). It got me thinking about retail hypocrisy (are red roses different wherever you get them from?) and general cashing in on a day that is meant for lovers.

I know what you're thinking, I'm just another lonely, bitter person alone this February 14th who has nothing better to do but issue cutting remarks tinged with acrimony about how pointless the whole day it is. Well I'm not; I'm not lonely; I'm not bitter; I'm not attacking the day itself and I'm certainly not alone this year. I'm just remarking on modern society's intense gullibility that leads them to believe anything they are told by greedy retailers.

They believe that an overpriced, inflatable, fluffy card is indeed essential if they want to be thought of as romantic and yes, men do really love the cheap silk imitation boxer shorts with lipstick marks in every spare space; and yes, of course I'll wear them dear, I love them normally follows.

Its funny, the last time I looked under romance in the dictionary it said 'a tale of extraordinary adventures; tendency to the wonderful and mysterious'. Therefore the so called romantic gifts of chocolate, roses, cuddly toys and underwear must really be questioned. Since when have cuddly toys been a symbol of mystery? Roses a symbol of extraordinary adventures? I must admit underwear may be considered a symbol of an extraordinary adventure, but really this all depends on whether your man sticks to the norm (like the chocolates and roses type) or likes to experiment with other possibilities.

When raising this argument with a group of friends, all of which expecting a Valentines Day present this year, I was suspiciously alone in my thinking that traditional merchandise sold as presents were crass. I was greeted with a roar of argumentative responses such as "At least he'll bother getting me something this year" or "At least the shops are giving him a few ideas, I would hate to see what he would get me otherwise!". My response to this was that instead of helping her man's imagination, the shops were probably sucking out every last drop of romance in his soul.

You can just imagine the typical lazy man seeing all the ideas as he strolled down the High Street, taking the easy route and buying into the commercial rubbish on display thus conserving his precious imagination for the drinking games later that evening. Admittedly most girlfriends, wives etc. have grounds for query of the male imagination, but I for one would prefer some thought went into my present.

So, it is accepted by most that St. Valentines Day is most definitely not best left up to the retailer, but is more a matter of the heart. Accepted it may be, but many people don't know where to start when they endeavour to find/make the perfect Valentines Day present.

Here are a few pointers:

1. Instead of a card, a love letter would be better.
2. Instead of a meal out, a meal in?
3. Instead of tacky boxers/underwear, a night in?
4. Cuddly toys are fine, but not shop bought ones, make it yourself!