"Don't make me he-bitch man-slap you!!!!!"

T.J. Hicks: See this ring? Topaz, my mother's birthstone. Know where I got the money for it?
Deuce Bigalow: Where?
T.J. Hicks: Man-whoring! See this keychain? Mini yo-yo. Know where I got the money for it?
Deuce Bigalow: Man-whoring?
T.J. Hicks: Stock market! But I got the money for the stock market from man-whoring."

"Thats a huge bitch!"

"Holy Shit it's Big Foot!!"

"You must have a magical manginia"

Deuce Bigalow: There must be some kind of mistake.
Jabba the slut: Did you say STEAK???
Deuce Bigalow: No, MIS-take.
Jabba the slut: Oh, see, now you got me all excited.
Deuce Bigalow: I'm gay.
Jabba the slut: Well how gay are you?
Deuce Bigalow: Very very gay. You must have called the Very Gay Escort Service.
Jabba the slut: Ah shit you see sometimes my fingers swell up and I can't hit the numbers properly. They should make a phone for full figured girls.
Deuce Bigalow: So, what should we do?
Jabba the slut: Oh, cakes and pies, cakes and pies!
Deuce Bigalow: Which pie has the most sugar?
Jabba the slut: Peach cobbler.
Deuce Bigalow: Ah, you win again, that's three games to one!
Jabba the slut: Fast food trivia's my game baby!

"Her mouth paid for our honeymoon"

"It's not small, it's thin... spaghetti thin..."

Cop: Do the initials T and J mean anything to you?
Deuce Bigalow: Turkey Jizz?

"The ashtray and the paddle game and the remote control, that's all I need... and these matches...the ashtray and these matches and the remote control and the paddle-ball... and this lamp"

"I slit the sheet, the sheet I slit, and on the slitted sheet I sit."

"He doesn't realise he's dealing with sophisticated people here. Marie, now just stay calm. Stay calm. Don't look down, don't look down! Look up! Just keep your eyes up and keep them that way, o.k.! Waiter there are snails on her plate. Now get them out of here before she sees them! Look away, just look away, keep your eyes that way! You would think that in a fancy restaurant at these prices you could keep the snails off the food! There are so many snails there you can't even see the food! Now take those away and bring us those melted cheese sandwich appetizers you talked me out of!"

"Don't trust whitey. The Lord loves a working man, don't trust whitey."

"chicks dig it,it's the shaggin' wagon"

Harry: i sold some stuff
Lloyd: stuff
Harry: what kinda stuff
Lloyd: You know, a few baseball cards, sack of marbles, ::cough:: Peety
Harry: You sold my bird to a blind kid, Lloyd, Peety didn't even have a head
Lloyd: Harry, I took care of it

Harry: Nice skis.
Girl: Thanks.
Harry: They yours?
Girl: yep.
Harry: Both of them?
Girl: yeah...
Harry: cool!

"I could dance with you until the cows come home. On second thought, I'd rather dance with the cows until you come home."

"You know, you haven't stopped talking since I came here? You must have been vaccinated with a phonograph needle."

"Remember, you're fighting for this woman's honor, which is probably more than she ever did."

PFT: Listen, if you wanted to join the P.F.J. you'd have to really hate the Romans.
Brian: I do.
PFT: Oh yeah? How much?
Brian: Alot.
PFT: Right, you're in.

"Welease Wodger!"

Brian: But you can't have babies.
Stan: Don't you oppress me!
Brian: I'm not oppressing you, Stan -- you haven't got a womb. Where's the fetus going to gestate? You going to keep it in a box?

"He's not the Messiah, he's a very naughty boy!"

"He has a wife, you know. Incontinentia. Incontinentia Buttocks."

Remer: We win, and they get the chicks. That sucks, dude.
Coop: I'm telling you, it's jobs. We gotta get jobs. Then we get the khakis. Then we get the chicks.

Remer: Dude, I know you're feeling jealous right now. Don't blame me because I have a sweet ass! I can't help it!

Remer: You're bed is over here.
[indicates a dog bed]
Squeak: Dude, that is so fuckin' weak! How am I supposed to get a chick in that?
Coop: Oh, don't worry, dude. You couldn't get a chick if you had a hundred dollar bill hanging out of your zipper.

"you seen that new australian beer commercial?"
*guy shakes his head*
-aussie accent-
"Hah to speak san franciscan: "
[Coop grabs Squeak and pulls down his shorts and points his ass at the other player]
"Vagoina"

"If you're going to spew,spew into this"

"Yes, I'll have the cream of sumyungai."

"a sphincter says what?"

"A gun rack? What am I going to do with a gun rack? I don't own Agun, let alone many guns which would be needed to neccessitate a gun rack."

"Benjamin is no one's friend. If Benjamin were an ice cream flavor, he'd be prailines and dick."

"Back off man, I'm a scientist."

"MOTHER PUS-BUCKET!"

"yes its true; this man has no dick. well thats what i heard."

"He slimed me!"

"We've been going about this all wrong. This Mr. Stay-Puft is o.k., he's a sailor, he's in New York. We get this guy laid, we don't have any trouble!"

". . .when somebody asks you if you're a god, you say YES!"

"Have you ever seen a grown man naked?"

"I speak Jive."

Dr. Rumack: Can you fly this plane and land it?
Ted Striker: Surely you can't be serious.
Dr. Rumack: I am serious, and don't call me Shirley.

"Looks like I picked the wrong week to stop sniffin' glue!"

"He has a drinking problem."

"There's no reason to become alarmed, and we hope you'll enjoy the rest of your flight. By the way, is there anyone on board who knows how to fly a plane?"

"You can't fight in here, this is the War Room!"

"I think you're some kind of deviated prevert. I think General Ripper found out about your preversion, and that you were organizing some kind of mutiny of preverts. Now MOVE!!"

"...100 dollars in gold, 9 packs of chewin' gum, 1 issue of prophylactics, 3 lipsticks, 3 pair of nylon stockings. Shoot, a feller could have a pretty good time in Vegas with all that stuff!"

"I'll get you your money. But if you don't get the President of the United States on that phone, you're gonna have to answer to the Coca Cola Company."