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"I'm afraid to kiss"
I am 16 years old and in school still. I have had 2 boyfriends (both in 2005) and I haven't been on any other dates. The first one dumped me because I wouldn't go far enough with him, (all we did was hug and hold hands) and that really hurt me so much! It’s been stuck in my mind ever since.
And the next one, all we did was hug and hold hands too. We went out for 5 months!!! But the whole time I was worried about if we will kiss or not and I was just so scared. I didn't feel comfortable enough. We never did kiss, I broke up with him as I was too scared that one day we might kiss…I wanted to stop all chances of us maybe kissing. Now I've found the perfect guy who I want to be with, and he has deep feelings for me back. I really care for him and don't think he would even reassure me, but I know he would be expecting to at least kiss. But I'm soooo scared and too embarrassed to tell him this, as he has assumed I’ve kissed guys since he knows I have had 2 boyfriends. Please help me! I don't know what to do. I really care for this guy and want to be his girlfriend, and be able to hug him and hold his hand, but I don't want to kiss. Yet I know one day I will have to right? So how can I get over my fear?
1 Feb 2006
Name: Hanah
Age: 16
Dear Hanah,
First, you don’t have to do anything you’re not comfortable doing. So you’ve had two boyfriends and haven’t kissed them because you didn’t want to – so what? It’s okay! In fact, it’s more than okay; it’s great that you refuse to put yourself in a situation you don’t want to be in. A lot of people give in to pressure and do things they don’t want to for fear of not fitting in, but you have way too much love for yourself to do that, and I think that’s just awesome! So major props to you.
Now you’re with a guy, though, that you really like and he feels the same way about you. Awesome! That means that there’s a mutual respect between the two of you as well as a baseline of friendship. That’s certainly a solid foundation for a great relationship. Since you have such a strong bond with him, why not tell him about your no-kissing past? I know it’s a scary thing to do, but when it comes down to it, he’s going to find out anyway (like, say, when he goes to kiss you and you turn your head), so why not be honest and upfront with him? If he’s as great as you say he is, he’ll respect you more for telling the truth and being open – and if he doesn’t…well, isn’t it better to know the truth about him now rather than months down the line?
Maybe you’ve been so hesitant to kiss your past boyfriends because you view the act as intimate and special, and you didn’t view them as worthy recipients of your spit – I mean, smooches?! But with this guy, it seems you do really like him, and I’m inclined to think that your being honest with him will bring the two of you even closer than you already are. And rather than have your first kiss be so scary and intimidating, by telling your boyfriend you’re a kissing virgin, your first-kiss experience (when you’re ready for it) will be so much more relaxed, comfortable and enjoyable.
And as they say, the best way to get over a fear is by facing it head on and doing the thing you’re afraid to do; but, as I said before, only do it when you’re ready.
Good luck!
Marissa
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