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"I cut ties with my best friend and now I miss her"
I have a dilemma concerning my best friend. Lately, I haven't been able to trust ANYONE. I have been back-stabbed so many times by friends, & my ex-boyfriend that it's just hard for me to trust anyone. A couple of days ago, I called up my best friend & this is what I told her: " Look, I don't think we should be friends anymore, I’m scared to get hurt-- so I end up hurting everyone around me, I’m only doing this because I care." So now we aren't talking. I kind of miss her, we were best friends for two years, & she has back-stabbed me before, yet I always forgave her. Now I don’t know what to do, should I forget about her and move on? Or should I call her? If you think I should call her, what should I say after I dismissed her like that?
8 Feb 2005
Name: Shawna
Age: 15
Dear Shawna,
Getting hurt is a very scary, difficult, hard thing. We’ve all been there. And you are right, staying on the defense and pushing everyone away is a surefire way to keep yourself from getting hurt, but it’s also a surefire way to end up alone. Love and friendship, in my opinion, are so wonderful and important and are usually worth the risk of getting hurt.
If you truly feel you and your best friend are no longer compatible and she’s not at all trustworthy or a good companion for you, than by all means, I think you did the right thing. But it seems that you have some doubts about cutting ties with her and that maybe you want her back in your life. And that’s okay!
When people upset or hurt you, you don’t have to push them away or remove them from your life. Instead why don’t you sit your best friend down and without yelling or pointing fingers, maturely talk to her about why you felt betrayed by her. Explain your feelings as best you can. And if she’s a worthwhile, understanding friend, she will grasp what you’re saying and try to do better next time around.
So as upset as you are and frustrated that the people you love keep hurting you, I have a feeling eliminating them all from your life won’t make you any happier. Rather, work on better communicating with them so you can strengthen, and not cut, your connections.
Good luck!
Marissa
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