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"My boyfriend won't make time for me"

Iíve been in a relationship for 1 year and 4 months. Things were great, but now, my boyfriend never has time for me. When I ask him to take me to the cinemas or just see each other in the park he says "Iíll see", and today itís been 2 weeks since Iíve seen him. We only live ten minutes from each other.

When I say to him that I want to spend time with him he says "listen, not today." He makes up false excuses that heís with his dad but when I ring his home I ask his sister that what he is doing and she tells me "oh nothing heís just on the computer dossing about"..

When I complain that we never meet up he says, "Youíre just crying over your own mistakes, and to tell you the truth I donít give a damn."

And he makes me feel like that. We are 17 and going to be 18 this year. My self confidence has gone down. I mean spending time with each other is important. What should I do? I want to spend good romance time with him but his attitude is not letting me..

16 Jan 2006
Name: Aay
Age: 17

Dear Aay,

My question to you is, aside from the fact youíve been with him for over a year and are comfortable in the relationship, why do you want to be with someone who treats you so disrespectfully?

It sounds to me like your boyfriend takes you for granted. During the past year heís learned that he can treat you anyway he wants to, and youíll still be there. While thereís absolutely no excuse for your boyfriendís insolent behavior, thereís truly no justification for yours, either. By continuously accepting this kind of treatment, youíre showing him that thereís no consequence for treating you so terribly.Itís high time that you demand the respect you deserve!

Through your words and actions, it is imperative that you proclaim both to yourself and your boyfriend that you are a valuable human being worthy of respect, love and consideration. How? Quit taking his crap! He lies to you about being busy and tells you he ďdoesnít give a damnĒ and yet, you remain by his side, ignore his insults and continue to ask him for plans. Stop doing this! I guarantee you not only will he respect you a lot more for standing up for yourself and refusing to accept his ill-treatment, but youíll respect yourself much more, too.

Before you can honestly assert yourself this way to another human being, you need to firmly believe it yourself.It sounds to me like you need to spend a little quality time with the one-and-only you, so you can remind yourself of all the wonderful qualities you possess that make you so great! Sadly, your boyfriendís audacious lack of respect has left you feeling dishonored and worthless. Itís high time you reclaim your power; never let anyone have this much control over you, your life or your emotions. You were an incredible person before your boyfriend came into your world, and you will be an incredible person after.

Donít be afraid to talk openly and honestly with your boyfriend about your frustrations regarding his behavior. Don't just complain to him about his actions; tell him if he really wants to be with you, heíll shape up and start treating you with the respect you deserve. And if he doesnít, be prepared to assert your newfound ďworthy of respectĒ self and walk right out that door.

The good news? Your boyfriendís absence will leave an opening for a REAL man who, when you meet him, will realize just how lucky he is to be with such an amazing, competent, self-assured woman.

Good luck!


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