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"Things went from bad to good so fast"

I met a girl a few weeks ago in the bar where I work. She was in there having a few drinks with her ex boyfriend and then began to chat me up when I commented to her about being with him. Anyhow, she went home with my number and texted me when she got home. We arranged to meet up the following Thursday and went out to a bar for drinks - all went well. We went out again on Saturday and resulted in my staying over at her place. We had great sex and then the next morning we both had to be up to start work, so the following day we met up again which again resulted in me staying at her place. On the Monday morning there was talk of us meeting up during the week and she would come into my work with friends.

When I left her at the station on that Monday everything seemed fine. When I spoke to her next on Tuesday evening she seemed off, said she had been sick all day - but didn't sound sick. So I asked if everything was ok she said yes but she had a lot on her mind over the past few weeks, so I asked if we could meet up again she said she'd be into my work on Thursday.

So I decide to give her some space and I texted her on Thursday to say that I was looking forward to seeing her that night. No reply. She also didn't turn up. So I tried calling a few times that night, no luck. So I tried calling and texting in an attempt to get in touch again - in fact one might say I over did it a bit, but still nothing in return.

How is it things can go from being so good to so bad in a few days? And is there anything I can do now?

13 June 2006
Name: Julz
Age: 22

Dear Julz,

I think one of two things could be happening here (or possibly a combination of both). The first is that she’s still into her ex and has major feelings for him that are preventing her from being able to start anything with you, and the second is that she’s feel remorseful about spending the night with you (literally and figuratively) so soon and is now pulling away from you in an attempt to make herself feel better (and less guilty) about the situation.

Going back to point number 1, unless she and her ex are just good friends and have that type of relationship where they can platonically hang out, get drinks and generally have a good time together, it seems to me there’s got to be something still going on between them. Sure, it’s definitely possible that they are just friends, but tell me, how many exes do you have that you get together with for drinks (and we all know what tends to happen after we’ve had a couple drinks…)? I’m willing to bet not so many. I could be totally off here, but I have a suspicion her heart’s still tied to his in some way, shape or form (and maybe that’s what has been on her mind over the last couple of weeks).

Now onto point number 2. I’d say it’s a pretty good possibility that the night you stayed over and had sex, at the time she didn’t think twice about it (it felt great and she was going with the flow) and maybe even the next morning she felt fine about it, but as time went on (after the two of you separated) she began thinking about it more and more, and started feeling guilty and uncomfortable for having gotten physical with you so soon; she started really regretting her actions.

And since the two of you don’t know each other very well yet, perhaps she doesn’t feel comfortable talking to you about her feelings – and knows that now that she’s had sex with you, that’s probably going to be “expected” next time you get together, too – and so, in order to prevent that, the easier route for her is just to back away from you and pretend the whole incident never happened.

If you two had been dating a while and you were really into her, I’d say maybe you might keep trying (although it seems at this moment, space is what she needs and you wouldn’t want to over do it with texts and phone calls, etc.), but since the two of you just met and feelings haven’t deeply evolved yet, I’d say it might be best to let this one go (chalk it up to experience!) and focus on all the other available cuties out there.

If she calls and comes back, great! But if not, not so much lost, right?

Good luck!

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