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"We broke up and I want closure"

I just broke up with the only serious boyfriend Iíve ever had. We were on and off for a very long time. I made a lot of mistakes, and then he cheated on me, and we tried to patch things up but it wasn't working.

The thing is, I hate the way we've left it - it ended with me questioning about a text I found on his phone from another girl, him calling me a name and me hitting him and then him chucking me out of his house. I haven't spoken to him since.

I think I do want closure, but then sometimes I don't want to see him again. But I'm scared if I speak to him, I'll make a fool of myself. Either that or he'll laugh in my face.

Itís even worse because thereís still a large chance I'm going to see him, because my best friend is good mates with him, and all of his friends who hate me and think I'm an idiot.

I just want to be able to get away from this relationship with a little bit of dignity, do I completely leave it, and get over him or do I seek some closure? And if I do the former, how do I do it? Help.

16 June 2006
Name: Marie
Age: 17

Dear Marie,

Time really does heal all wounds, and I think this is one situation where letting him go and allowing time to do what it does best is the way to go.

I know you want closure. Believe me, Iíve been there before (we all have). Things didnít end the way you wanted them to, and you think ďif only I could explain myself or get that last word in, we could walk away on friendly terms and only thinking good things of each other.Ē

But hereís the thing: breakups are never clean (well, not usually anyhow).As authors Greg Behrendt and Amiira Ruotola-Behrendt can attest, Itís Called a Breakup Because itís Broken.Breakups are messy Ė usually they leave lots of shattered pieces, unspoken words and heated emotions in their wake.

While I know you want to call him up and explain yourself, I think itís best (at least for now) to let the fires cool. Right now both your emotional levels are high, and further talking about what happened between you probably wonít be the rational, even-keeled conversation you want it to be.Instead, tempers could flare and you may have a repeat episode of what happened when you broke up.

So wait it out. And as you said yourself, youíre probably going to see him in the future because your friend is good friends with him. So give it time and let the wounds heal Ė that will be your way of gaining closure. And when you see him again hopefully your hearts will have mended and the bad feelings will have fallen away.

Good luck!


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