"My boyfriend broke up with me but still tells me he misses me"

Dear Kat,

Your ex-boyfriend’s a cake-lover; he wants his cake, and he wants to eat it, too. Well guess what? He made his choice – that he wants to be single – and now he has to live with it.

The two of you aren’t together anymore; that means that he doesn’t have to tell you about, or justify his one-night-stands, but by the same token, he also doesn’t get to interrogate you about who you’re spending your time with! You’re a single gal now and you can spend time with whomever you please, and if it happens to be the cute guy who lives down the street, or the hottie from algebra class, then so be it!

But back to your guy’s cake obsession, a part of him truly does want to live the single life. Since you’ve been together for such a long time, at such a young age, he wants to experience life on his own. But, at the same time, he doesn’t want to let you go. He knows what a great girl you are, and just because he wants to be unattached, it doesn’t mean he doesn’t still care deeply about you. Why else would he feel the need to justify his one-night-stand to you or tell you constantly that he misses you? He wants to have his cake – be free – and he wants to eat it too – make sure that you’re still around, waiting for him, when he’s ready to re-commit.

Say it with me now: Uh-huh! No way! No how!

The one thing your ex didn’t account for when he broke up with you was your moving on and living your life WELL. So what better a thing to do, than exactly that?

Use this separation to your advantage. Your ex just opened up a world of opportunity for you. Take this time to come back to yourself; spend time with friends you love who you may not have had that much time for during the run of your relationship; get back into activities you enjoy that you’ve put on the backburner; take up a fun new hobby; expand your social circle and make new fun, friends; and of course, date, date and oh yes, DATE!  This can be a great time for you if you just look at the situation you’ve been dealt with optimistic eyes.

Now as for your ex, you don’t owe him any explanations about how you spend your time. He gave up that right when he ended your relationship. Don’t let him make you feel guilty or upset about enjoying your new life, after all, he gets to enjoy his without ridicule. Well you have the exact same right! And when he tries to tell you the nitty-gritty about who he gets intimate with, all you need to say is, “I don’t want to hear it.” He’ll get the point.

Even if he’s all you’re thinking about, show him that he’s not the focus – the main concern – of your life, anymore. It’ll probably make him want to eat his cake even more, but oh well, not your worry! You’ve moved on!

Good luck!
Marissa