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"My boyfriend doesn't call me enough"

I have been dating a guy for about 7 months now, and we are about as close as two people can be. We have been through a lot, as he is recently divorced and has needed lots of time and space to feel comfortable truly dating again. He now feels comfortable doing this.

My problem is that he doesn't call me as often as I’d like. He might go for 3 days or so without calling, and it makes me feel horrible! We are so close when we are together (often for days at a time), and I know he's not with anyone else; and I know how much he cares for me. But when I brought it up, he said that he's not ready to be put on a calling schedule. He asks if there are other ways that he can make me feel special during those "in-between-calls" times. I can't think of any!

What should I do? This guy cares for me so much, but I can't stand it!

19 Jan 2006
Name: Lisa
Age: 30

Dear Lisa,

If everything else about this guy – and your relationship – is so amazing, than why not let the “calling issue” go?

As I’m sure you know, relationships are all about compromise. I don’t know a single person who would say their relationship is absolutely flawless, and you know what? That’s okay. Even the best of relationships can’t always be smooth sailing; think about it, if they were, there would be no room for growth and development – how boring! And like a fine wine, relationships get better and better with age!

My advice to you? Pick your battles.

So he doesn’t call as often as you want him to; so what? Instead of focusing all your attention on that, instead, why not take pleasure in in the fact that he cares so much about you, treats you well and makes you happy? In my opinion, that’s a much better use of your time and energy.

Have faith; as you know, due to his past heartbreak it took him awhile to feel comfortable being intimate with someone again. It may be the same with calling; try not to pressure him, in time I have a feeling he’ll begin to feel more at ease picking up the phone, too.

Good luck!

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