"Should I end my casual sex relationship?"

Dear Racquel,

Casual sex sounds great in theory, but implement it into real life and it’s always tougher to pull off. For starters, we girls equate sex with emotional closeness and intimacy, while guys are a lot better at keeping the physical just that…physical.

So what happens? The guys are totally capable of continuing to have sex with us without forging a mental or emotional bond, and we’re left feeling an intense affective void.

We begin to hope that the more we’re with them physically, the more they’ll begin to realize just how much they like us and want to be with us. But when they don’t, and especially when they carry on having sexual relationships with other girls, we feel devastated and jealous. Not to mention, our feelings of self-worth diminish and our confidence plummets.

Not the healthiest of situations to be involved in, huh?

Some girls are better than others at handling purely physical relationships – I’m not one of them, and it sounds to me like you’re on my same team! The last thing you want to do here is begin having sex with other guys just to show your “friend with benefits” that the sex is just as casual on your end as it is on his. Not worth it!

The way I see it, you have two choices. One, you can have “the talk” with this guy – you let him know that you’ve begun growing real feelings for him, and you want to continue to be with him, but only if he feels the same for you and wants to work on a full-faceted relationship (i.e. a committed, functional relationship that involves more than just sex). Or, you call off your relationship altogether. Because you’re getting attached, and he doesn’t seem to be, I worry that if you keep up with the sexual trysts (especially if it’s a means to keep yourself on his mind and get him to fall for you) in the end you’re going to wind up very hurt.

I know ending things seems daunting, especially because you’ve probably become used to having this guy in your life – the “relationship”, however fleeting, is comforting – but trust me, there IS a great guy out there who’s ready and willing to have both a physical and emotional relationship with you. And something tells me, you’ll benefit a lot more from that type of loving union than the physical merger you’ve got going on now.

Good luck!
Marissa