"I'm self-loathing and feel ugly all the time"

Dear Jenny,

First, let me say how thrilled I am that you are at your happiest right now! Happiness is not something to be taken lightly, and when we feel it, we should most definitely relish in it. So go ahead and feel, love and live your happiness. Now do me a favor, never let it go.

Clearly, you want to be happy. “Of course I want to be happy,” you say, “who doesn’t?” While it may seem like everyone wants happiness, the truth of the matter is, many people don’t. Every day, people choose misery and gloom over happiness!   They’d rather dwell in their insecurities and despair then feel joy and contentment.

Why?  Because they’ve let their sadness and insecurities characterize them. And letting all that pain go, well, that would be like destroying their identity. Without pain, suffering and low self-esteem, these people don’t know who they are.

DO NOT let yourself be one of these people. Right here and right now, choose happiness.

Stop allowing what happened in the past to determine who you are today. I am so terribly sorry for all the hardship you went through, but that was then, and this is now. Rather than destroy you, let all the pain you’ve overcome make you a stronger more self-loving person. Choose to love yourself.

I know this sounds too easy, simply choosing to love yourself and be happy, but I guarantee you, it works. It’s all about changing your mind-frame. You were a well-adjusted, happy person before all those bullies entered your life, why are you letting them still get the better of you? By doing that, even though they’re not physically beating you up, emotionally, they’re still pounding on you. Stop giving them all your power!

You are the most important person in your world and it’s time you let yourself know it. Here are some tips to get your self-confidence back on track: Write down everything you like about yourself – even the minor stuff like, “I have pretty fingernails.” It all counts. Add to your list every time you think of something new, and read it every night before bed.

Next, write down all the compliments you’ve ever received. Okay, so maybe you won’t remember ALL of them, but I’m sure you remember some. Keep a running list and every time someone says something nice about you, add it to your list.

Lastly – and this is going to seem redundant, but I’m going to say it again because it’s of the utmost importance – DECIDE.Decide to love yourself. Decide to be happy. And decide not to keep letting those bullies from your past have so much control over your present and future.

This is your life so you call the shots.

Good luck!

Marissa