"My best friend's crush gives mixed signals"

Dear Patty,

As much as we want to help our friends through tough situations, we don’t always have the answers to alleviate their worries and give them peace of mind. Have no fear, that’s what I’m here for!

Sounds to me like your best friend is crushing on Mr. Shy Guy. Fortunately, even shy guys get crushes; it’s just that they’re not always so great at showing, and acting on, their affections.

The fact that he smiles at her and blushes and gets nervous when she’s around tells me he’s definitely into her, but his shy self can’t seem to break down the wall of unease that’s blockading him from making any sort of move. So…it’s up to your best friend to take the big step.

Shy guys are like little cotton-tailed bunnies; come too close or make too big of a move, and they’ll scamper, terrified, away. So cornering him in the hallway and planting a big, wet one on his lips is probably out of the question.

Do they have any classes together? If yes, then she should ask him to be her study partner for the next exam. Or how about the two of you plan a fun group outing to the park or the movies and invite him and some of his friends along (the group, rather than one-on-one atmosphere, will make him feel much more at ease).

What she needs to do is help him build a comfort level with her. Right now, being the timid boy he is, he views her as “scary girl” simply because he views every girl as “scary girl.”  So she needs to take the friendship first approach, and realize that the more he gets to know her, the more comfortable he’ll feel with her, and, consequently, the less he’ll view her as “scary” (and the more he’ll view her as “awesome”!).

Remind her not to get down on herself because his seeming wishy-washiness has absolutely nothing to do with her. It’s a slow process and results won’t just happen overnight. You can’t teach a dog – even a young dog – tricks in an hour, and similarly, you can’t teach a shy guy to be bold when it comes to women in an instant, either.

Good luck!
Marissa