"Should I tell someone about my friend's cutting?"

Dear Mandy,

Cutting – injuring yourself on purpose by making cuts or scratches on your body with sharp objects – is the most common form of self-injury. Experts term it an “unhealthy coping mechanism” because it is a detrimental, harmful way to deal with emotions, frustrations and problems. Oftentimes, cutters cut because it feels like the only way to gain relief from their pain. Sometimes cutting is linked to other mental health problems such as: depression, bipolar disorder, eating disorders, obsessive thinking or compulsive behaviors.

As you can see, cutting is not something to be taken lightly. Although many times, cutters don’t intend to take their own lives, accidents do happen, and aside from just the physical scars, cutting leaves deep emotional wounds as well.

So how can you help?

First - Talk to your friend about it. Even if he won’t admit it, keep at it. Let him know that you understand and that you’re not judging him, but that you want to help him because you care about him and his well-being.

Second – Tell someone. If your friend asks you to keep it a secret, rather than lie, explain that because you care so much about him, you’re not sure that you’ll be able to keep his cutting under wraps. I would suggest talking to the school psychologist (or any trained therapist), your parents or a teacher. I know you’ll be nervous that your friend will be upset with you, and he may be at first, but I guarantee you that in the end, he will thank you.

Third – While the ultimate help will hopefully come through your friend’s acknowledgement of his disease as well as therapy, unconditionally being there for your friend – accepting him for who he is – will help his healing tremendously. The last thing your friend needs is to feel more shame, help him realize that while cutting is something he has been doing to cope, it definitely does not define him. Help him get back to other (non-destructive) activities he enjoys, and then do those things with him. Whether it’s a sport, writing, watching movies, walking the dog, getting his mind off cutting and onto other things will help a lot – not to mention, allow him to relieve his stress and frustrations in healthier ways.

I know that this is a very scary and painful thing to watch a friend go through, and I want you to know that you’ve done the right thing by asking for help. This is a lot for any person to take on, and that’s why it’s imperative that you tell a trusted adult about you friend’s damaging behavior. Like I said, he might get angry at first, but the alternative is far worse. I know you’d much rather see you friend get healthy. Be strong; I know you can do this.

Good luck,

Marissa