"We had sex and now she won't return my calls"

Dear Sean,

If I had to make a guess (which I do!), I’d say maybe you’re girlfriend’s feeling a little freaked out due to the fact that the two of you had sex.

Sex isn’t just a physical act; it’s an emotional act, too. Having sex ultimately thrusts (pun intended) your relationship to the next level. Whereas before the two of you were just casual cool now you’re sexually intimate. A lot of times, even if we don’t want them to, our feelings for our partner dramatically increase after we have sex with them.

Maybe that’s what is going on with your girl – all of a sudden her feelings for you have skyrocketed and she’s confused and afraid of the extreme intensity of her emotions. So what’s she doing to alleviate her anxiety? She’s backing away from you; in her mind, if she doesn’t spend as much time with you, than the powerful emotions that have taken hold of her will start to dissipate. Even if they come from a good place – a place of her loving you and wanting to be with you – such forceful emotions can be frightening.

I’m willing to bet her strong feelings are all of a sudden making her feel extremely vulnerable and wide open to being hurt. If this is the case, it’s important to show her you’re there for her; that it’s okay to feel what she’s feeling because you’re not going to hurt her.

However, if she’s not receptive to your enhanced show of support and love, and if she continues to ignore your phone calls and keeps distancing herself, then it’s time to reevaluate your relationship.It could mean that she has a fear of intimacy or that she doesn’t want to feel committed to anyone right now. Whatever it is, at that point, the best thing you can do is just take care of you, and unfortunately, staying with her probably isn’t the best way to do that.

Good luck!

Marissa