"Should I ask her not to move away?"

Dear Gabrielle,

Unfortunately, I can’t tell you whether you love her or not; the only person who can figure that out is you! But here’s the thing – whether you love her or not really doesn’t matter. Why, you ask? Because regardless of “love” (really what is love, anyway?), through your answers to the very pertinent questions you asked yourself above, it’s obvious how much you care about this girl; your feelings for her run very deep, and perhaps that’s all you need to know.

When it comes to relationships the answers aren’t always cut and dry. Scratch that, the answers are never cut and dry! So why is it then that you’re looking at your future situation with your girl in terms of only black and white? The problem is that you’re thinking inside the box – either she stays and you two remain together, or she moves to Miami and you don’t. Why do you think those are your only two options? They’re not!

For starters, before getting yourself all worked up for nothing, talk to your girlfriend about your feelings. Tell her that while you can’t see the future (and no one can, darling!), you know that right now – today – you care for her very much and don’t want to be separated from her. Ask her if she’d ever consider staying. Who knows, maybe she really wants to stay, and she’s just looking for a little confirmation from you? I know it’s a scary thing to ask, especially since you can’t promise your feelings for her will remain the way they are forever, but isn’t that what all relationships are? A crapshoot! (Sounds so romantic, doesn’t it?!). All relationships are a process, and we have to allow ourselves the opportunity to undergo the entire spectrum of emotions in order to figure out whether we really love this person and want to be with them (forever?), or if maybe we’d be better suited with someone else. And if your girlfriend stays (and it can’t just be for you, she’s going to have to establish her own life there as well), then that’s what it will be for: to allow the two of you the time to get to know one another better, see where your relationship can go and figure out if what you have between you really is love.

But, if she doesn’t want to stay, that doesn’t mean the end of your relationship! Would you ever consider going to Miami? It’s a great city, full of opportunity, excitement, diverse people, and not to mention gorgeous beaches, too! Why not uproot yourself – and again, not just for her, but for the opportunity to try something new in your life?

And if she doesn’t want to stay, and you don’t want to move, who says you still can’t be together and make your union work? Although they require effort (and can be costly in terms of phone bills and airline tickets), why not do the long-distance thing? If you really dig her and want to make it work, I’d at least try it out before ending your relationship all together.

And perhaps the most important thing in all of this is one question you didn’t ask yourself: Can you live without her in your life?

If the answer is yes, that you can, then maybe it’s time to move on. But if it’s no, if you can’t live without her and you can’t imagine your world without her in it, then that’s your answer; you must do everything in your power to make it work. Love doesn’t just happen everyday, and when you find someone you want in your life at all costs, the last thing you do is let that person go.

Good luck!

Marissa