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"Should I tell my ex I love him and want him back?"


It has been almost 7 months since my ex and I broke up and I can't get over him. We had a one-night stand 3 months ago and haven't seen each other since. Out of the blue, last weekend, he sends me a text at 2 a.m. asking if I wanted to "hang out". At 2 a.m. it could only mean he wanted to hook up for possibly sex.

I love him and want him back. Now I regret not telling him from the beginning how I feel. I know he doesn't feel the same way about me but should I just come out and tell him my true feelings?

1 Sept 2006
Name: Brenda
Age: 30

Dear Brenda,

Should you tell your ex that you love him and want him back? In my opinion, youíve got to ask yourself what youíre hoping will come from your declaration.

Iím all for living and loving boldly Ė I think when we truly love someone, and we think thereís a chance by telling them how we feel a wonderful and affectionate relationship will ensue, then we should go for it! But in this case, Iím hearing from you that you know your ex doesnít feel the same way about you that you feel about him.

So hereís my thought Ė if your rationale for telling him is simply to get it off your chest, if you feel like carrying these strong emotions is just too heavy of a burden and you need to relieve yourself of them, then go for it. Let him know. But do so with caution, and without false hope.

I fear that you think by declaring your love to him, there may be a slight chance heíll tell you he feels the same way and you two will rekindle your romance.  And sure, that might happen Ė but from what youíre saying to me, in all likelihood, it wonít. I just donít want you to tell him how you feel Ė and do so with the expectation heíll tell you he feels the same way Ė and then get your heart broken all over again.

I also worry that beyond just enduring the pain of heartache, youíll feel a loss of integrity and pride. Again, Iím a firm believer in telling people how we feel, but I fear that if he doesnít return your sentiments, you might feel a deep sense of hurt and regret. I just donít want that for you!

If you think you can handle his reaction, then go ahead and clue him into your feelings. But if you think it might send you down the dizzying and traumatic path of heartbreak all over again, then Iíd suggest keeping your thoughts to yourself. Or better yet, share them with your best friend.

Good luck!
Marissa

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