"Should I tell my ex I love him and want him back?"

Dear Brenda,

Should you tell your ex that you love him and want him back? In my opinion, you’ve got to ask yourself what you’re hoping will come from your declaration.

I’m all for living and loving boldly – I think when we truly love someone, and we think there’s a chance by telling them how we feel a wonderful and affectionate relationship will ensue, then we should go for it! But in this case, I’m hearing from you that you know your ex doesn’t feel the same way about you that you feel about him.

So here’s my thought – if your rationale for telling him is simply to get it off your chest, if you feel like carrying these strong emotions is just too heavy of a burden and you need to relieve yourself of them, then go for it. Let him know. But do so with caution, and without false hope.

I fear that you think by declaring your love to him, there may be a slight chance he’ll tell you he feels the same way and you two will rekindle your romance.  And sure, that might happen – but from what you’re saying to me, in all likelihood, it won’t. I just don’t want you to tell him how you feel – and do so with the expectation he’ll tell you he feels the same way – and then get your heart broken all over again.

I also worry that beyond just enduring the pain of heartache, you’ll feel a loss of integrity and pride. Again, I’m a firm believer in telling people how we feel, but I fear that if he doesn’t return your sentiments, you might feel a deep sense of hurt and regret. I just don’t want that for you!

If you think you can handle his reaction, then go ahead and clue him into your feelings. But if you think it might send you down the dizzying and traumatic path of heartbreak all over again, then I’d suggest keeping your thoughts to yourself. Or better yet, share them with your best friend.

Good luck!
Marissa