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"Will she flirt with other guys forever?"

I am 20 years old; I have been in a great relationship for 1 year and 3 months with this beautiful girl Beth. We donít fight very much, mostly just quarrels that we work out right away.

She has always been flirty; I noticed that from the beginning. But in the last 3 months I have really noticed it a lot. She never flirts around me, but she goes to a different school. Sometimes I would surprise her and pick her up from school. She would be surrounded by boys. Boys would kiss her on the lips, give her hugs, and give her roses.

I told her that I didnít like it at all. She told me that it will stop, and that she doesnít like it either. But she flirts with any guy who is attractive. Now I am not saying that my girlfriend is a slut, because she isnít. I just want her to pay more attention to me rather then all the other boys. In the last 6 months she spends a 1 Ĺ hours making herself look beautiful in the morning to go to school. But when I ask her if she will dress up for me, she wont, because her clothing is very revealing. Is she going to be like this forever, will she flirt around after I marry her?

28 Dec 2004
Name: Joe
Age: 20

Dear Joe,

You've been with Beth for awhile, and I think it's great that you guys are able to work through your problems together - that's a definite sign of a stable foundation to a healthy relationship. However, it troubles me that your girlfriend has yet to stop her flirtatious behavior even though you've told her it upsets you and on top of that, she will beautify herself for other guys, but not you. Shouldnít you be the one who reaps the benefits of all her revealing clothing?!

Unfortunately, Joe, the problem is on her end, not yours. It seems that her self esteem is based on the attention she receives from guys. Your relationship represents a constant source of comfort in her life and while she knows you love her and this most likely makes her feel wonderful and good about herself, she still craves adoration and flirtation from other guys as a means to feel confident, sexy and okay with the person she is.

Sooner or later she's going to have to learn that self-respect has to come from within - it's always nice when others fawn over us and think we're good looking, but looks fade, and in the end, it's our inner selves we've gotta live with forever - so we better love US for who we are, and not measure our self worth on what random people who have no bearing on our lives think of us! This is her issue to work through, and you just need to decide if you can handle sticking around until she does.

Self-esteem is not something that is acquired in a day, the process may take quite a while, and you could very well marry her only to realize she's still gaining self-worth from her flirtations with strangers. But on the other hand, continuously work with her on self-love and reassure her that she is perfect and you love her just the way she is, and instead maybe soon she'll love her just the way she is, too.

For reference, check out the link below for a similar problem/advice.

Good Luck!!
- Marissa

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