Search our problem archive:
"My girlfriend's a flirt!"
I've been dating my girlfriend for just about 11 months now, and sometimes she will bring over one of her fellow friends from work. They’re usually guys. This seems to bother me because whenever they’re over she totally ignores me and flirts with these guys. I know flirting is normal but I've told her this bothers me over and over but she forgets or she gets mad at me and says I'm jealous. I don't know what to do. I'm afraid that this might eventually end our relationship. I don't feel happy when this happens. I don't know if it's my problem or hers. Could you please write me back with some answers?
28 Nov 2004
You are right that flirting is a normal part of human behavior, but doing so at the expense of your girlfriend or boyfriend’s feelings is not.I want to commend you on your maturity. I am truly impressed that you are not simply blaming your girlfriend, but that you are also wiling to take responsibility for this problem yourself, by questioning if the issue is perhaps your jealousy.While jealousy is prevalent in many relationships, I don’t believe it is the cause of your problems.It sounds like you are a very patient boyfriend. You have been with your girlfriend for 11 months and have repeatedly told her it makes you unhappy and uncomfortable when she brings her male co-workers around and flirts with them in front of you, yet she continues to do it anyways. Not only that, but she completely ignores you in the process! Her behavior is downright rude and totally disrespectful.
Although I know you have discussed this with her many times and nothing has changed, the only way to resolve the situation is to once again tell her how you feel. But this time, be firm and stand your ground.Perhaps your girlfriend does not realize the seriousness of the situation and just how bad her flirtatious ways make you feel.Although she may try to write off your feelings to fickle jealousy, the fact of the matter is at this point jealousy has nothing to do to do with it.The issue lies in the lack of a mutual respect between you and her. While it seems you are extremely considerate of your girlfriend (you’ve patiently stood by her for 11 months in spite of her unchanged behavior), I am not seeing any reciprocation on her end; only a complete disregard for you and your feelings! Relationships are about give and take.And if something is hurtful to one of its members, the key is to be able to openly discuss the issue and come to a compromise – a fitting solution for both individuals.Sure, it works for your girlfriend to continue flirting with her co-workers in front of you, but that certainly isn’t okay with you! Explaining it in this manner will hopefully cause your girlfriend to see things from your point-of-view.
However, at this point if your girlfriend is still not able or unwilling to compromise and show you the respect you deserve, than it is time to reevaluate your relationship. You want to be with someone who treats you with compassion and thoughtfulness and is willing to at least try to iron out the wrinkles along the way.