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"My crush flirts with me and now has a girlfriend!"
I have a major crush on this guy at school. We went to camp together and there were moments. Like for example: looking into my eyes, being friendly, letting me touch his biceps, giving me hi-5's, telling me things about his body. And when we were coming back from camp I sat down, then he sat right behind me, then started talking to me. And I was fine with being friends with him, but now back in town, we act all weird and stuff.
During a period of art at school he comes over to me and my friends and starts talking to us all, then he grabs a stick and starts whipping us on the bums, he really confuses me. I used to talk to him but now since he was flirting with me, I just ignore him because I really like him and get nervous. The only time he makes contact with me is when he’s in his car and I’m driving by. Then he waves, or when we are both with a group of people, then he talks to me. I don’t get that? Recently I found out he got himself a girlfriend!! I was so upset!! Did he only get a GF so he could flirt with me and not have the fear of being rejected? Or was he just being nice? Does he like me or not?
5 Jan 2005
Name: Crazy
Age: 16
Dear Crazy,
First of all, despite your name, you’re far from crazy! You’re a 16-year-old in a confusing, yet normal, girl-likes-boy predicament.
It sounds like you, me and your crush all have something in common. We love, love, love to flirt! And why wouldn’t we? Flirting is so much fun! But the gap between whimsical flirting and a solid relationship is wider than the Atlantic.
I know it’s scary and intimidating, but in order to get past the fun, flirty stage to reach Relationship Road, it’s important to not only be responsive to your crush when he’s flirting with you, but start your own conversations with him too. And I’m not just talking whipping his bum with a stick (although that does seem fun). I mean real, get-to-know-you, more-than-small-talk dialogue.
Too nervous to do that? Well, how do you talk to your friends? Just because you think he’s the cutest guy since George Clooney, he’s still only a person, capable of having the same types of conversations that you and your friends have. And when in doubt, ask him about his favorite sport. If he’s like most guys, the discussion will go on forever!
Don’t be thrown off by the fact that your crush now has a girlfriend – if there’s one thing I’ve learned about teenage boys, it’s that they can be oh-so-fickle. And while I suppose it’s possible she’s the absolute love of his life, by the same token, they could be over tomorrow. And I guarantee from his flirtations with you, he’s not just looking to be your friend. But maybe he mistook your nervous shyness for disinterest, and figured he better give up on you and move on.
My best advice now is to build a friendship with him, allow him to get to know wonderful you on a deeper more personal level. And even if nothing romantic should happen immediately, the gap we discussed earlier will be much easier to bridge when the time comes!
Good luck!
-Marissa
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