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"I like my best friend's ex"
I've known this guy for a few years at least and we are really close. We spend every day together. I guess you could say we are best friends. He means everything to me. I've never felt the way I feel around him. He's such a sweet and caring guy. But, the first problem is he went out with my best friend for 5 months about 6 months ago and that's when I started getting close to him and spending a lot of time with him. I didn't think I’d end up feeling the way I do about him and I almost wish I didn't. But I can't help what my heart is feeling. Anyways, I've grown apart from my best friend (the girl) and we don't spend much time together anymore, but I still care about our friendship. She is the one that broke up with him and she's already gone through another guy. Second problem is, is it worth telling him that i am crazy about him? I just don't know if he feels the same way about me b/c he is really sweet to me and all. But he talks about other girls around me and stuff. I just don't know if it's worth it. Should I wait it out? If I told him and it didn't go well then it would probably be awkward between us. I just don't know what to do anymore. Please help!
4 March 2005
Name: Lauren
Age: 17
Dear Lauren,
First thing’s first, even though she’s the one that broke up with him and she’s already dated another guy since, because you still care about your friendship, if you’re going to make a move on this guy then I would tell your friend about your feelings for her ex. But only – I repeat ONLY – if you’re going to pursue him romantically. Otherwise, you’ll just stir up trouble where no trouble needs to be stirred!
As far as taking things to the next level with this guy, I’d start looking for any little hints or clues regarding his feelings for you. Sure he may talk about other girls in front of you, but is this is way of making you jealous? We all play games, its human nature! So definitely think twice before assuming this means he doesn’t like you. On the contraire, it might mean that he does!
So start taking inventory on the way he treats you, how he acts around you, and whether his behavior towards you is “hot and flirtatious” or just “best-friend friendly.” And in the meantime, step up your game, too. It’s quite possible he may like you, but feels the same way you do: unsure of your feelings for him and afraid to take it to the next level. Use this as an opportunity to flirt, flirt, flirt. Perhaps you could ‘accidentally’ brush your hand up against his when you walk by him, whisper secrets in his ear that aren’t meant to be heard by anyone else, set up one-on-one study dates with him, etc. Anything that makes your feelings for him slightly, yet subtly, more obvious. And if you feel he’s reciprocating your flirtations, I say go for it! You’ll never know if you don’t try!
Good luck!
Marissa
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