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"How can I make him love me again?"

I used to be with this boy, we weren't together but I really fell for him, but the he introduced his friend into our circle of friends and his friend said he liked me. I just accepted what his friend said and thought no more of it. But then this boy was going away to see his dad for 2 weeks and I was left with his friend who I had taken a liking to. When he was away I got with this boy and we were together for eight months. When this boy found out that I had got with his best friend I broke his heart. He told me I was his first true love and that he will always love me but because I was with his best friend he had to give me up. Time went and I grew apart from his best friend and we split up. That was 2 month ago. When I finished with his friend I realized that all along the feelings I felt weren’t for his friend but they were for him. And still to this day I have them feelings. One problem he doesn't feel for me how he used to. We’re still good friends but I cry every night and wish for him back. I made such a mistake. What can I do to get him back? Just to make him love me again like he used to?

8 Feb 2005
Name: Heartbroken
Age: 16

Dear Heartbroken,

There’s no use beating yourself up over things that happened in the past. And there’s definitely no use in wasting so much time regretting your past decision to get together with your crush’s best friend. You can’t go back in time and change what happened, so the important thing now is to use that relationship to learn and grow, and realize it will help prepare you for your next romantic connection.

As far as the strong feelings you have for your crush, it definitely is a slippery slope because he’s felt hurt by you before and has already finished the process of “getting over you.” So in all fairness to him, don’t forge ahead unless you’re absolutely sure of your feelings.

In the case that you’re positive he’s what you want, I suggest writing him a letter.
Even if you choose not to actually give him this letter, just getting all your feelings out will be so cathartic for you. Tell him how you feel about him, why you know that he’s the one you want to be with, and how upset you are that you two aren’t together. Whether you decide to give it to him or not, be proud of yourself for being proactive in working through your feelings.

And should you give it to him, even if he decides he doesn’t feel the same way, continue to feel good about yourself for knowing that you were brave enough to speak your mind, stand behind your feelings and let him know just how special he is to you. And if he’s such a good guy, he will realize how wonderful you are and respect you for your courageous step.

Good luck!

Dear Dilemma
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