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"Should I stand by him through his illness even though he won't commit?"
I've been dating someone for about two months now. He's been ill and I've been waiting patiently for his recovery. We've been intimate but haven't been seeing much of each other lately because he's still healing.
In our phone conversations he calls me his friend. He does call me every day though. But today he called and said his ex and he got into an argument and she wants to get back with him. I can't be his "friend" in that way and help him through that. They have a 3 year past and we're new. I asked him what he wanted and he replied by saying he doesn't "think" he could go through that again but didn't mention us or that he did not want to be with her. Should I confront him, be silent and supportive, give him an ultimatum or just move on?
29 Dec 2004
Name: Jessie
Age: 29
Dear Jessie,
You’ve already devoted two months of your life to a guy who refers you to as his “friend” and is still having relationship talks with his ex-girlfriend. As difficult as this might be to hear, especially because you’ve steadfastly stood by him through his illness, it’s time to move on.
While I feel badly for him that he’s sick and no doubt going through a hard time right now (and probably needs someone as caring as you by his side), please realize that between you and his ex, he knowingly has all his bases covered. It reminds me a little of the season finale of The Bachelor, where the-oh so-lucky girl gets the guy, and the other is dumped and left brokenhearted. Sure, upon recovery your guy may very well “choose” you over his ex for long-term commitment, but by the same token, he may go running back to her instead. Not to mention, during his time of hardship he may be keeping both of you around as means of extra companionship and support.
Regardless, this is your life and you’re spending your precious time tending to this guy’s health and patiently waiting for his recovery. To me, this is above and beyond the call of duty after only dating someone two months. And if he can’t see just how lucky he is to have someone as thoughtful as you by his side - and if he’s not as serious about you as you are about him – than Jessie, don’t waste any more time on him. Get out now! A real man wouldn’t exploit your patience and kindness to ensure he has someone there to take care of him and relieve his loneliness, all the while holding onto his ex should he choose that route instead.
So let him know you care very much about him and pray for his speedy recovery, but that you’ve wasted too much time in his hospital room when you could have been to Vegas and back with a man who is proud to refer to you, and only you, as “his girlfriend.”
Good luck!
-Marissa
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