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"I'm back with my ex but miss another guy"
I dated a guy, named Eric, for about a year, but after feeling like I was stuck in a rut and needed something more, we decided to break it off.
While we were broken up, I got closer to a guy, named TJ, who was a friend of mine. We ended up dating for about a month, and suddenly I felt myself missing Eric. So much, that I broke up with TJ and started dating Eric, almost immediately. I hate that I made such a rushed decision, and feel that I could have taken more time, but anyway, on with the problem.
Now that I am with Eric again, I think about TJ almost constantly. I talk about him a lot too. I miss him a lot, but I've got myself into quite the pickle over it all. I don't really know what to do. I'm not sure if I miss him because I didn't give myself enough time to get over him, or if it's because I honestly miss him.
I just don't know what to do. If you can, could you please help me? I am very lost. I hope I didn't confuse you, because I'm sure I'm frazzled enough for the both of us.
3 July 2006
Name: Sara
Age: 18
Dear Sara,
The grass is always greener, isn't it? So often, it seems we want what we don't have; and then of course, if and when we do get it, we don't want it anymore! We certainly know how to complicate our lives, that's for sure!
While I can't tell you which guy you should be with (if either), or who your feelings run deeper for (because only you know the answer to that), I do think you ended your relationship with Eric for a reason -- to grow, gain some independence and see what else was out there -- and perhaps panicked at the first sign of falling for someone new. Being with Eric is easy -- he's familiar territory. You're comfortable around him and there's no nervous tension. But with TJ you had to begin the process of building a relationship, and comfort level completely from scratch.
That alone is enough to make you miss Eric! Think about it, you only started longing for him when you began dating TJ. Even if you truly wanted to be separated from Eric, your relationship with TJ made you miss him because it was so opposite of what you and Eric had.
Quite honestly, I think you needed to take some time after ending things with Eric to live your life, come back to yourself and figure out what it is Sara wants. And not just with guys, but with life in general. Doing so now might finally give you a handle on your wants and needs. Something you definitely need to figure out.
And once you do this, you'll be in a much better place emotionally and mentally to determine who is the right guy for you. And you won't choose Eric simply because it's easy and comfortable, and you won't pick TJ because he's a nice alternative to Eric. You'll meet a guy who brings out the best in you and who makes your heart soar -- and then there won't be any question about your feelings. You'll just know.
Good luck!
Marissa
