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"Is my girlfriend cheating?"

How do I know if my girlfriend of a year-and-five months is cheating on me? She talks to this kid like all the time from her school – talks to him during school and then she will go home talk to me and around 9:30 at night, she will talk to this kid again. It’s every night! What do I do?

23 Oct 2006
Name: Jeremy
Age: 17

Dear Jeremy,

I can definitely understand your concern. Sure we girls love to chat, and we can spend hours upon hours with our girlfriends dishing over every little thing – “Did you see that outfit so-and-so was wearing?” “Do you like my hair straight or curly?” “Do you think Brad likes me?” – but the whole share-every-detail/daily and nightly talk thing isn’t something we normally do with our guy friends. Especially if we’re dating someone.

Don’t get me wrong, I have a ton of great guy friends, and I love hanging with them. But when I’m dating someone, that guy becomes my number 1 – he’s the boy I choose to talk to every night and share all the intimate details of my life with. Of course I still maintain my friendships with my other friends, both guys and girls, but I make it quite clear that when it comes to my heart, my boyfriend’s the only guy that has it.

That being said, do you know what type of relationship your girlfriend and this guy have, or what brought them together and made them so close? Does their friendship have a sisterly/brotherly vibe to it? Do they look out for one another? Or, do you sense sexual tension and an underlying flirtation between them? Determining what kind of relationship they have will help you figure out what’s going on between them. The thing is, just because they spend a lot of time together and are able to open up and talk to one another does not mean they’re sexually into one another. Some girls just get along great with guys, and tend to have more guy friends than they do girlfriends. Maybe your girlfriend is one of them?

Regardless, though, what it all comes down to is open communication. I think you have to be upfront with your girlfriend, and just voice your concerns. Ask her what’s going on. Let her know you trust her and you stand behind her having friendships with others – both guys and girls – but you just need to be assured that this particular relationship is a friendly, purely platonic one.

And if she tells you that yes, their friendship is totally innocent and non-physical, and if she’s never given you any reason to doubt or distrust her, then I would give her the benefit of the doubt and assume she’s being honest about the nature of her and this guy’s friendship. And if that’s not the answer she gives you – if it’s something more along the lines of, “I’m in love with him and I want to be with him not you” – yes, it’s gonna sting (BAD!) but at least you’ll know the truth. And isn’t that better?

Either way, being upfront with one another and discussing things openly is the healthiest and most efficient way to deal with any situation. If you’re worried about something, talk about it with her, and she’ll learn to do the same with you.

Good luck!

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