"I told him I wasn't ready for a relationship even though I am"

Dear Confused,

When it comes to preserving other people’s feelings, honesty isn’t always the best policy.

Recently a guy friend of mine was looking at a picture of me and told me that he thought I looked ugly. Naturally, I was appalled! Of course he’s entitled to his opinion, but why the need to tell me? It was just an evil-spirited thing to say and I was left feeling hurt, not to mention a little self-conscious.

There are just certain occasions when telling the brutal truth isn’t always necessary, and your circumstance is one of them.

I don’t think any good would have come from you telling your admirer the hurtful truth: that in fact you do want a relationship, you just don’t want with him.  Even if he knows it’s a lie, hearing that you’re not ready for a relationship is a lot less painful and easier to swallow than, “it’s not me, it’s YOU.”

Just to make it clear, I do not advocate lying. But I also don’t believe in being spiteful, rude or mean, and in your case (as well as my obnoxious friend mentioned above), sometimes I think showing a little “white lie kindness” is okay.

Good luck!

Marissa