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"My boyfriend never wants to have sex!"
My boyfriend and I have been going out a year and everything was fine until the last couple months. We barely ever have sex anymore because he doesn’t want to. I tell him it makes me feel like he doesn’t like me but he says that’s not it, but he never tells me what it is exactly. He hates that I always talk about it but it’s really bothering me. He feels that is all I want, but its not. I just don’t understand. Have you ever known a girl who wants to have sex more than her boyfriend?
3 Nov 2005
Name: Aubrey
Age: 21
Dear Aubrey,
Contrary to what you think, your problem is not that uncommon. There could be a plethora of underlying reasons causing your boyfriend’s low sex drive. The causes may be physical, psychological, or perhaps even both.
Some physical causes of low libido in men include: alcoholism (extremely common), abuse of drugs, anemia, obesity, prescribed drugs, low male hormone level (testosterone) and any major disease.
A few psychological cause of low sex drive are: depression (most common), stress, performance anxiety and other such sexual hang-ups and serious problems with the relationship.
Does any of that sound pertinent to your man and his issue? As you can see, it may have nothing to do with you at all. There are a multitude of factors that could be causing your guy’s low sex drive. I have a feeling the reason he gets so frustrated when you bring this up with him is because it makes him feel self-conscious and embarrassed. As a man, society says he’s supposed to want sex – crave it even – all the time! And because he doesn’t, and isn’t pleasing you the way you want to be pleased, he most likely feels shameful. Therefore, approach this problem sensitively and with caution. Don’t make him feel even worse than he does about his condition, rather, realize this is probably a source of humiliation for him.
On that note, there a few things a man can do to quell this trouble. If he’s willing, talking to a trained counselor or therapist may be the most helpful. This way, he can determine if the problem is psychological or physical. If it is psychological, he and the therapist can work through the fundamental problems that are causing his low libido. If it’s physical, his doctor can run various tests to determine the cause of the problem.
Either way, this is curable and not a strange problem. And please don’t let this make you feel like you’re not good enough or attractive enough for him.I’m willing to bet this problem has a lot less to do with you than you think.
Good luck!
Marissa
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