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"Sometimes my fiance yells and insults me"

I'm a little confused by the way my boyfriend acts sometimes. One day he's sweet and says/does nice things for me, other days he's mean to me – he yells at me and insults me.

I just recently had a birthday and the only one who didn't wish me a happy b-day was him. He said it quickly after my sister said it to me and then continued with what he was saying. No hug, no kiss, no card, nothing!

This really bothers me and makes me feel like he doesn't care. My question you think I should be wondering if this is a sign that he doesn't care about me or love me? Or am I just blowing it all out of proportion?? By the way we're also engaged to be married.

16 Mar 2006
Name: Kyla
Age: 31

Dear Kyla,

Demand your respect! Would you sit idly by and watch a friend’s boyfriend treat her the way your fiancé treats you (like a dishrag)? I would hope not! So why, then, do you accept this type of maltreatment for yourself?

Even if he’s nice some days, there’s absolutely no excuse for him to ever, EVER insult, offend or yell at you. Period. Clearly, he takes you for granted and because you put up with his behavior, he’s been trained to believe he can treat you however badly he wants to and you’ll still stick around.

Do I think this is a sign that maybe you should rethink spending forever with this guy?

Yes, I do.

Think about it this way, if he’s already treating you in this abrasive, unkind manner (and you’re not even married yet!), fast-forward 5, 10, 20 years and think about the callous way he’ll be treating you then. Do you really want to put up with that when you can (and should) be with someone who will treat you with respect and love?

A healthy relationship is based on friendship, mutual respect, admiration for one another and love. If you can say with certainty that you have all of this with your partner – or that, through premarital counseling you can achieve it – than great, get married. But if not, I’d think twice about entering into a lifetime commitment with this man.

Do not accept maltreatment from anyone. And I repeat, demand your respect. Never let a boyfriend (or friend, or anyone for that matter!) treat you in a disdainful, insolent manner.

You’re worth way too much for that.

Good luck!

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