"We broke up and now I miss her"

Dear Robert,

My hope is that your ex-girlfriend has a mind of her own and wouldn’t just agree to breaking up merely because you suggested it. I have a feeling that perhaps a little space and time apart is what she wanted – otherwise, she wouldn’t have said so.

I know how painful breakups are – it feels like in a split second everything you know shifts; like the rug has been swept from underneath you! You don’t just lose your partner; you also lose the lifestyle you’ve become so accustomed to living. This type of abrupt and dramatic daily life shift feels excruciating and uncomfortable. So much so, that even if the relationship we were in was making us miserable, we’re so upset now, too, that we begin to question whether we did the right thing by ending it.

Perhaps this is what’s going on with you? Even though you were fairly certain you wanted things to be over, you’re now missing the life you lead with your girlfriend as well as just the idea of being in a relationship?

Or maybe that’s not it at all. Maybe you really are still in love with her and do want to try again.If that’s the case – go for it. No decision is ever permanent, unless of course your girlfriend is steadfast in her choice to be single. If that’s the case, then you’ll have to respect her decision because we certainly can’t – and shouldn’t! – force or persuade someone to be with us if they don’t want to.

That being said, if you think trying again is really what you want to do, then break the “no communication” rule and ask your ex if she’d be willing to meet you for a chat. Be prepared, though. I think you should list all the reasons the two of you didn’t work out the first time, and come up with solutions for how you can make things better.If you get back together without doing this, I guarantee the same old problems are going to sprout up again. Let her know you’re willing to do whatever it takes to make it work – even if that means shifting behaviors and communicating better. And remember, it’s all about compromise, respect and truly listening to one another.

And if she says that she’s not interested in reconciling, and that it’s over for good, at least you’ll know it’s really time to move on.

Good luck!
Marissa