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"Should I ask her if our relationship could develop further?"

I’ve known this girl I like for a while (few months). We talked about school, friends and personal things over the `net. We also talked about our problems and sympathized with each other. We went for a movie and for a coffee now and then, just being friends. Her ex wasn’t really that nice to her and didn’t change some awful habits she wanted him to change. So she broke up with him shortly after Christmas.
We’ve been still hanging out normally after the breakup – going to cafeterias, museums and to the movies. She asks me out to coffee or a movie every now and then, and I ask her to coffee or a movie every now and then. I speculate neither of us thinks of these meetings as proper dates. Like I said, we talk very openly about everything. She sits facing me, I sit towards her.
We joke and laugh much, we often look each other in the eyes when talking and lean towards each other, she listens to me and I listen to her. I make sure she talks more than I do, and I listen to her carefully. She is comfortable being with me (her arms are open, smiling, tilting her head etc.) and we like the company of each other. I mostly pay for the movies and coffee, and when I don’t accept her paying me back she playfully "gets annoyed".
But some things have changed. After the breakup she has started to message me quite much on my mobile phone, about 20 messages a day (same amount for me because I’m answering and trying to keep her writing to me). And when we went to watch a movie recently she first took my hand into hers and also rested her head on my shoulder whenever the picture got scary, but we held hands until the end. After a snowball fight and just rolling down the hill together we cleaned the snow off each other. Recently we’ve hugged after every meet and she even asked me to come over and watch some rare film she has. I guess she is interested in me at least a little, or do girls really act like this and be only friends?
Sadly I don’t have enough experience to tell the difference. At some point I’d like to ask her if we’re just going to be really good friends or if our relationship could develop further. I’m confident that even if she only wants to be friends she wouldn’t let the question hurt our friendship. I’m not gonna know unless I ask, right? Her birthday is at the end of January and because these special days are important to girls I was wondering if I should ask her before or after her birthday or at all.
10 Jan 2006
Name: Gabriel
Age: 19
Dear Gabriel,
Why ask her if your friendship could develop into something more when it already is? Sounds to me like the two of you are already on the track to becoming much more than just friends.
Do I think it’s possible for guys and girls to be friends only? Sure. But in this case, that’s clearly not what’s going on. She’s into you! And by your description of the way you treat her, I can definitely see why. You’re doing everything right; if there’s one thing girls absolutely love, it’s when a guy truly listens to us. I’m not talking about merely hearing our words, no, we love when guys show us they’re actually absorbing what we’re saying. And you, my friend, do exactly that. You treat her kindly, you take her out for coffee and movies and your affectionate actions really show her you care (so since you’re doing so well, would you mind writing a guidebook for the rest of your gender to follow?!). So what do you do now? Keep showing, rather than telling her, how you feel!
I understand your desire to have a heart-to-heart with her about your feelings, and while you can certainly do this, I honestly don’t think you need to. Both your actions are already saying much more than words ever could. By communicating with you as many times during the day as she does and holding your hand and laying her head on your shoulder during movies, she’s attempting to up your platonic friendship into romance!
Why not respond by asking her out on a real date that can’t be misconstrued as just a friendly outing? Since her birthday is coming up soon, make dinner reservations for the two of you at her favorite restaurant. I guarantee that this thoughtful act will speak volumes about the way you feel about her, not to mention it will be much more romantic than simply telling her.
In any event, your feelings for one another are definitely reciprocal; you’re on the right path so just enjoy the ride!
Good luck!
Marissa

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