"He avoids holding my hand and hugging me"

Dear Marissa,

Whoa girlie, slow down! Not everyone likes or is comfortable with PDA (public displays of affection). I know hand-holding doesn’t seem like a big deal to you, but it definitely may be for your boyfriend. Just because you’re cool with showcasing your love around school, he might not be. And that’s okay.

His not wanting to hold hands or play kissey-kissey in the halls at school has no bearing on his feelings for you. Repeat this mantra to yourself over and over: It’s not about me! Because it’s really not!It just means he’s not cool with the public affection stuff.  A lot of people aren’t.

Rather than force it upon him and continue to try to hold his hand at school, I’d take a step back and realize all the other amazing aspects of your relationship. Holding hands, although nice, is certainly not the only thing you like about being with this guy, right? So focus on all the other stuff you love about him and your times together.

Maybe he makes you laugh? Or perhaps he’s a great listener and really takes into consideration all the things you tell him? Rather than focus solely on what you feel your relationship is lacking – the touchy-feely stuff – pay attention to all the wonderful details of your partnership. I know there are many, or else you wouldn’t still be with him!

And if you feel comfortable, you can also try talking to your boy about the hand-holding/hugging thing. You can let him know that you just love being affectionate with him, but you understand if he’s not comfortable with doing that in school. Odds are he’ll be relieved to hear you say that, and he’ll love that not only do you get it, but that you respect his feelings, too.

And another thing to remember, closeness and intimacy aren’t dependent on how much you smooch and touch your partner, but rather, the mark of a devoted, loving relationship is when the two people bring out the best in one another, make each other smile and are able to communicate with one another.

Good luck!
Marissa