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"He told me I'll never find anyone better than him!"

I am now working in Tokyo, Japan and met this French guy at a speed dating event in early December of last year. He was very sweet. He gave me chocolates and small gifts and would finish work early and take a 90 minutes train ride just to come see me on days that I didn't have anything to do at night. We met 2-3 times a week during December. We really enjoyed each other's company on every date. We laughed a lot talking to each other. He remembered everything that I said to him which was very impressive to me. We never had sex, but we kissed every time we met and fooled around a little the one time he came to my apartment and me to his.

I started to grow strong feelings towards him and I could tell that he liked me too. Everything was great until after he came back to Tokyo from his trip to Osaka (Dec.28,2005 till Jan.5,2006)

I met him on Jan.6 again, the next day after he came back from Osaka. He confessed to me that he actually has a long-distance Japanese girlfriend in Osaka, and that we can only be friends. I was heartbroken.

Apparently, he and his girl had had a big fight over something and he was about to break up with her. That was when he started dating me. But after this trip to Osaka, for some reason that he didn't want to tell me, he decided after all that he didn't want to break up with her anymore.

He told me that he really wants to be with me, but he can't break up with his girlfriend at the moment. He told me that I am cute, interesting and sexy and that his girlfriend is nothing like me. But still he picked her over me. So I told him that until he breaks up with her, we should not contact each other, and also that I will have to move on and find a new guy. But he then said to me that I am not going to find anyone better than him! What did he mean by that? He insisted that he will want to check up on how I'm doing in a few months, but I told him that I am not gonna pick up his call if he's still with his girlfriend by that time. What is this guy thinking?

It feels so weird not to hear his voice everyday and I think I still miss him. I am so messed up now that I need your advice badly. Please help!

Did I do the right thing of separating myself from him?

23 Jan 2006
Name: Rosa
Age: 26

Dear Rosa,

You go, girl! Right on, sista! Hell yeah, girlfriend!  And any other phrase that says, “You totally rock!”

Did you do that right thing? Absolutely! Does the right thing always feel good?  Eh – not so much.

First of all, this guy – sweet as he seems – is a player. He wants to know that in case things with his girlfriend don’t work out, you’ll be there, ready and waiting to be his new leading lady. Gee, how romantic. Riiight.

And then he has the audacity to tell you that you’ll never find someone as good as him!  Well, lucky for you (and unfortunately for him), he set the bar pretty darn low! Not only will you find someone better than him, you’ll find at least 100 men better than him!

So why did he say that to you? Because his ego’s been bruised; his pride’s been wounded. No one takes rejection well, and this guy takes it even harder. And you telling him that you’re moving on says to him, “look buddy, you’re not worth it.” And you know what? Even if that’s not the message you meant to convey, it’s true! He’s NOT worth it. At all!

The way I see it, this guy made his choice, and now he’s got to live with it. He can’t have both his girlfriend and you at the same time. And he’s a pompous ass to think that you should wait around for him because eventually he may break up with his girlfriend.

Forget about it. Life’s too short!

I know you miss him, that’s only natural. After all, you’ve spent so long building this “relationship” with him. But let that fuel your desire to move on even more; you’ve already wasted so much time on a guy who is nowhere near worthy of you, why not start using your time a little more wisely? Say, by flirting with all the other guys out there who actually get just how wonderful and incomparable a woman you are!

Good luck!

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