"His profile still says "single" - is he cheating?"

Dear Lazy,

He’s not being unfaithful, per se, but he is being inconsiderate and disrespectful when it comes to you, isn’t he?

Have the two of you had THE discussion? You know which one I’m referring to – the talk defining your relationship. Perhaps you’re not on the same page here. Whereas you see the two of you in a committed relationship where you’re not allowed to see other people, he may assume that because it’s long distance and you only see each other every once in a while, your relationship is open-ended.In other words, he may not see anything wrong with dating other people.

And that’s okay – as long as he’s honest with you about it.It’s got nothing to do with trust or loyalty, as he says. It’s all about communication and honesty. It’s okay if he doesn’t want to be exclusive, and thus doesn’t want to un-check the “single” box. But if that’s the case, than he shouldn’t be leading you on, letting you think there’s more to your relationship than there is. After all, if he’s allowed to date around, then so are you!

If you ask me, two major factors are at play here. One is no doubt the distance. You’re living in separate states, and as awesome a time as you guys have together when you see one another, that just might not be enough for him to pull himself off the market. Long distance relationships are hard work – they can be grueling and frustrating – and if you’re going to attempt one, you’ve got to make sure your feelings for the other person merit the difficulty. Not to say he doesn’t feel strongly for you – he very well may! But sometimes even when couples are head over heels in love for one another, they still can’t, or don’t want to, try their hand at long distance love.

The second factor is that not only is he much older than you, but he’s had lots more life experience – he’s divorced, with child. That means that while this is most likely one of your first relationships, he’s already been married, divorced and become a father! Simply stated, he’s at a different place in life than you are.

He’s been there, done that, and he’s past the point of frivolously jumping into relationships. Again, not that you are doing this – your feelings for him are very real and valid – but I’m willing to bet he realizes the difference in age and experience, and couple that with the physical distance between you, he probably views this situation from the vantage point of “I really like her and I have a great time when we’re together, but as for a full-fledged real relationship, it’s just not realistic.”

That being said, I certainly don’t think what he’s doing is right. As I said before, if that’s how he feels, it’s not okay for him to string you along, you thinking you’re in a committed, meaningful relationship, while he’s just having fun.

So what do you do? You can discuss this with him maturely. Tell him you understand if he’s not ready or willing to be in a serious relationship with you, but that all you ask of him is that he be honest with you. You’ll respect his decision either way. And if he tells you he doesn’t want to be exclusive, it doesn’t mean you have to cut all ties with him. If you can handle it, you can definitely keep talking and hang with him every once in a while, just so long as it doesn’t prevent you from going out and meeting fun, cool boys in YOUR town! Because guess what – there are plenty of awesome guys right outside your door, who may be closer to you in terms of life experience, and who will be willing to date you exclusively.

And you know what? That’s exactly what you deserve – a guy who knows a good thing when he has it, and who realizes your tremendous and incredible worth!