"I want him back but he doesn't want me!"

Dear Jessica,

I hate to say it but your boyfriend probably feels like a rag doll carelessly tossed this way and that. I know his actions right now are hurtful, but for just a moment, put yourself in his shoes. After your break-up he came to you asking to get back together and you told him no. So what did he do? He followed your wishes and attempted to move on.

Ask yourself for a moment if you want him back because you love him and cannot imagine your life without him, or because you can’t have him. Be honest with yourself here, because if it’s the latter, the kindest thing you can do for him is walk away so you don’t hurt him any further.

If you truly love him, miss him and want to be with him, then you cannot expect him just to come running back with open arms. Please realize that he has just had his heart broken and most likely is a mix of angry, sad, confused and hurt. Feelings for someone we genuinely love don’t just turn off after being on for 3 ½ years, so my guess is that, if he honestly loves you, his pride and need to protect himself are keeping him from wanting to get back together with you.

You need to be sensitive to his feelings. The whole “friends with benefits” thing – while fun – can also be a very slippery slope, especially with someone who you have real feelings for. If I had to guess, I’d say his emotions got the better of him and he was unable to have just the physical aspects of you and not the whole package. But his mental block about being with you right now is inhibiting him from even wanting that.

I suggest having a completely open and honest discussion with your ex. Be truthful with him. Tell him how you feel and how much you love and deeply care about him and his feelings. Hopefully this talk will help him remove the wall he’s wedged between you and trust you once again. But if not, you need to give him time. You need to step back and give him the space he’s asking for. If it’s truly meant to be, it will be. But you may have to have faith and let go first, before that can happen.

Good luck!

Marissa