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"I rejected him before but now I like him"

I've liked this guy every since he liked me back in freshman year of high school. I am now a sophomore and I still am not over him. He's asked me out twice. I remember his friends telling me this and I laughed it off and pretended it didn't happen. He's a nice guy, but he's not what people will say is cute. I feel so shallow and mean, what if someone thought about me that way? Anyway, he's white and I'm black, I don't mind interracial relationships. In fact, race doesn't exist to me. It's just an excuse people use to put themselves higher than others when we are all human beings with different physical appearances.

Anyway, this guy asked me out twice in freshman year and once again in sophomore year. Over time, I grew to like him and I think he's so amazingly cute. I don't think he knows this and I'm not the kind of girl to be bold enough to let him know unless he gives me a sign. We haven't said more than a few words to each other ever since he told me that he liked me.

Before, we used to talk all the time. I think it's because he's shy, and so am I in my own way. My real problem is that nowadays, he acts like I don't exist, even when we're in the same vicinity. Does this mean he is getting over me? I do find him looking at me sometimes especially this one day when I did my hair different and I had a very cute halter top on.

I can feel he still likes me somehow but I haven't been giving him great feedback, so he's stopped trying. I don't know what to do about this, should I be the one to go up to him? Itís gonna take some guts because I am way to shy when it comes to guys that I like. How do I clue him in without making myself too vulnerable in case he's gotten over me?

25 May 2006
Name: Frances
Age: 15

Dear Frances,

Would you continue flirting with a guy or talking to him all the time if he overtly rejected you and made it clear he wasnít interested? Probably not!Well then why would you expect your boy to act any differently?

Here you are saying you donít want to clue him into your feelings because youíre not sure what the outcome will be Ė you donít want to make yourself vulnerable in the event that he doesnít feel for you what you feel for him Ė but isnít that exactly what heís done with you?  He put his feelings for you out there only to find that you didnít feel the same way about him!

Ouch, that definitely hurts. But what hurts more, is holding those feelings inside and never going after what we want. Okay, so he could have continued having a crush on you and never said anything to about it all, but then, where would that have gotten him? Heíd probably still be crushing, and youíd still be clueless. By doing what he did, he at least tried to take steps forward; he tried to go after what he wanted: YOU! And no, it didnít work out the way he had hoped, but in my opinion, in life itís better to take risks and possibly get rejected and wind up a little brokenhearted, then never take any chances and stay exactly where we are. Talking about a boring, stagnant life!

Youíve got to understand that your crush tried before, and was discarded. If you donít at least give him hints that youíre interested, heís not going to ask you out again.Itís just that simple. Youíve already put it out there that youíre not interested!In order to make something between you two happen, youíve gotta take that sentiment back!

In my opinion, you should follow you crushís lead; let him know how you feel! Put yourself Ė your feelings Ė out there. Yes, youíll be opening yourself to vulnerability and the possibility of getting hurt, but if you donít, I can guarantee you nothing between you and your crush is going to happen. If you wait around for him to make yet another move, youíre going to be waiting forever. And you can hint till your heartís desire, but after being rejected by you in the past, mere hinting may not be enough for him to put his pride Ė and heart Ė on the line again and ask you out. You have to be the one to step it up and be bold.If you want to be with him, then I think itís up to you to make that happen.

Is that scary? Of course! But itís exciting too. Itís you going after what you want, the same way that he went after his desire when he asked you out.And if he says no, if heís totally over you (which I definitely DO NOT think is the case; the reason heís not as flirty and talkative with you as he was before is because you denied him!!), then at least youíll know and you can move on to someone new. But if he says yes, and heís interested in dating you, then the two of you can finally up your relationship to the next level!

Good luck!

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