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"I don't want to be his second choice"
I have a problem with this guy who is not one of my close friends but I've known him for a year. I went to a party and we ended up dancing together all night long. After that he tells me he has feelings for me and now he has much more. I crave his attention. He calls me outside and he makes a move on me, flirts with me and all that crap.
But when I ask him to be my partner for dance club in school he tells me he will ask this other girl Lilly first and if she rejects him then he will be my partner. And before all that -the party and "us" - he told me he liked Lilly. So now I dont know why would he make a move on me and tell me he likes me when he obviously likes her. I dont want to be the second one on his list. Plus his best friend who, is also my best friend, is my ex and knows nothing about this. Should I get involved with him?? PLEASE HELP!!!!
2 Jan 2005
Name: Alex
Age: 15
Dear Alex,
It sounds like your boy is all about keeping his options open. He's got you lined up in case things with Lilly don't work out. Well this works out great for him, but what about you?
You are absolutely right when you say you don't want to be second on his list. Why would you, when you can (and should) be FIRST one someone else's? I'm not saying it's not alright to date more than one person at a time, in fact, I condone it! Not only is it fun, but dating is like trying on clothes. How will you know what fits you best if you don't try on a variety of options? But, I do not stand behind making someone feel like a second choice; that there is a "better-than" that they'd prefer to date.
So Alex, my advice is to remain friends with this guy without taking it to the next level. You want a guy who realizes how special you are and just how lucky hie is to be with you (and ONLY you). And in the meantime, let Lilly have him - I'm sure they'll be oh-so-happy until someone better comes along and he leaves Lilly behind for his new number 1.
Good luck!
-Marissa
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