"Too scared to kiss or hold hands"

Dear Shona,

Part of becoming a unique, independent young woman is making your own decisions; decisions that suit you and make you happy! Here you say you really like a guy for who he is, but you’re afraid to pursue him due to what your friends will say. I know it’s scary to go after something you want when you don’t think your friends will approve (after all, we all long to be liked and respected by our group of friends), but the only person who knows what’s best for you is YOU; if you were to make all your life’s choices based on what your friends think, rather than what you truly feel, than darling you’d be in for a miserable existence! What’s important is that you like this guy and if your friends are good friends and care about your happiness, than odds are they’ll accept your choice of crush, too! And even better? Making your own choices and going after what you want will help you build confidence and self-esteem.

As for being scared to kiss and hold hands and all the other butterfly-inducing anxiety that comes with getting close to a guy, the nerves you’re experiencing are completely normal! At 13-years-old I was still afraid to talk to boys let alone hold their hands or kiss them! The fact that most of your friends have already kissed boys or gone all the way, quite frankly, shocks me. Just because they’re moving so fast does not mean you have to – in fact, if I had to choose between taking it slow or moving quickly, hands down I’d choose going slow. Recently my mom and I were having a discussion about all these young girls who get designer bags and jewelry for their birthdays and we both have the same feeling on the matter: if these girls are getting such expensive, chic gifts now, what will they have to look forward to when they’re older?! I’m thrilled that my mom never bought me such gifts as a little girl, because it’s left me so much to be excited for as I’ve grown up. The same goes for you and taking things slowly sexually. If you tried everything there is to try at the age of 13, than what would you have to look forward to as you grow up? Not much, right? So relish this period of your life, take things slowly, and rather than view yourself as so far behind all your other friends, realize that you’re the one who’s truly ahead of the game because you have so many exciting experiences yet to come! And trust me; it’s better to take things at your own pace. Don’t kiss a boy just because your friends are doing it – you won’t enjoy it! Wait until you feel comfortable – that’s what I did – and I guarantee you’ll be the one with the most fantastic first kiss story, because you’ll have actually enjoyed the kiss rather than done it due to peer pressure.

You are an intelligent, fabulous girl, Shona! Be proud of who you are and the experiences you’ve had; don’t be afraid to make choices based on what suits you. Love yourself and learn to be your own best friend – life is far simpler that way, trust me! And the one thing your friends say that you should definitely listen to? You are pretty. Now do yourself a favor, and believe them!

Good luck!
Marissa