"My girlfriend says I'm too obsessive"

Dear Kory,

There’s a huge difference between caring for someone and smothering them, and it sounds to me, although you’re aiming for the first, you’re acting out the latter.

While I understand you’re not a mind-reader – if you’re girlfriend’s upset with you for whatever reason it’s up to her to tell you why – you need to realize that healthy relationships grow and survive because the partners allow each other much needed space and breathing room.

Perhaps you’re not giving your girlfriend the space she needs? It sounds to me like she feels suffocated by you.

I know backing off is scary – you feel like if you give her room, she’ll forget about you, think you don’t care, or worst yet find someone new – but that’s not going to happen. In fact, just the opposite will occur. By giving your girlfriend the space she requires (be it alone-time, time with the girls, time with her family, etc.), aside from just showing her how much you respect her needs, you’re saying to her, “I have faith in you and our relationship, I value your needs and wants, and I respect your time.”

Realize that relationships don’t fall apart when couples don’t see each other every single day of the week, but rather, they break down when couples spend so much time together that they begin neglecting the other very important aspects of their life.

So what can you do this time around to make it work? Understand you are not the only person in her life, and encourage her to build and work on her relationships with the other significant people in her world, too. Smothering does not equal love.

Like a plant that along with love and attention also needs plenty of oxygen to grow, give her the breathing room she needs, and watch your relationship flourish.

Good luck!
Marissa