"I can't get over my ex because we still sleep together"

Dear Sarah,

You’ve hit the nail right on the head. The reason you’re not over your ex yet is because you’re still very much emotionally and physically tied to him.  As long as you continue to sleep with him, there’s absolutely no way you’ll get over him. Getting over someone requires distance, so you must allow yourself space from your ex to move forward.

I understand exactly where you’re coming from – you don’t want the relationship to be over, and seeing as how he’s being wishy-washy and not totally cutting off ties with you (and making quasi-promises that “maybe” you’ll get back together), you think that by sleeping with him, you’ll keep him close to you and up your chances for rekindling your relationship.

But here’s the thing – by continuing to have sex with him, it’s actually more likely the exact opposite will happen. Why? Because you’re ex is getting exactly what he wants – he gets to continue his sexual relationship with you, while also being allowed to pursue other girls!  Of course he doesn’t want this awesome situation to come to an end. Would you? See, by not making any sort of commitment to you, or this other girl, he literally gets to have his cake and eat it, too. And besides just getting the best of both worlds, he gets to keep you on the backburner – hold on to you in case someday he finally does decide he wants to be with you.

Okay, so we see what’s in it for him. But what’s in it for you? Absolutely nothing!

It would be one thing if all you wanted from him was to pursue a purely physical relationship. Then I’d say, “fine, go for it.”But that’s not what you want. For you, having sex with him is a means to an end – the end being you two getting back together. And sure, there’s a chance of that, but are you really willing to wait around, and get treated like second-best, for a mere chance?

You deserve better. Scratch that, you deserve the best. And you should never settle for less than you deserve – I want you to remember something, YOU ARE THE PRIZE!  And if your ex doesn’t realize that, then honey, that’s his problem, not yours. You have better boys (or rather, MEN!) to spend your time with.Men who will treat you with the respect that you’re worthy of!

You’re no backburner babe, you’re the real deal. You’re a one and only.

Good luck!
Marissa