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"My girlfriend won't return any calls or emails"


I am from India. My girlfriend and I were in touch for the past 2 months, and three weeks back I met her for the first time. I live far away from her. We went out for 4 days and shared our feelings.

Now I am not finding her mobile phone on – every time I call, it’s off. She hasn't mailed, sent sms, or called. I am dying to talk to her but I feel neglected.

Has she lost interest in me? But I haven’t done anything wrong or made any mistakes! The only thing is that I told her I would like to continue our relationship forever, and she agreed. She told me she loves me, and kissed me, and I love her very much. Things used to be so good, and now, nothing!

I am totally feeling a sort of suffocation because of her not responding in any manner. Please help me.

2 Oct 2006
Name: GD
Age: 26

Dear GD,

It’s so painful when someone we’ve grown to care so much about suddenly disappears from our life. And it’s even more difficult when that person doesn’t offer us any explanation as to why he or she has left us! Although still hurtful, at least when people explain to us why they’ve chosen to discontinue communication or terminate the relationship, we have a sense of closure; and with that, we can slowly begin to heal and move on with our lives.

Although I don’t know all the details of your current situation, what I do know is that long distance relationships are hard. They take a lot of effort, time and commitment. Being away from the one we love is excruciating, and, as I’ve come to realize over the course of my life, if you’re going to attempt a LDR (long distance relationship), you better be sure you’re emotionally and mentally ready.

It sounds to me like your girlfriend simply isn’t ready for this type of commitment. You spent 2 months getting to know one another via letters, calls and emails – obviously she likes you or else she wouldn’t have continued to write, told you she loved you or agreed to finally meet – but meeting you in person upped the ante.  It made your relationship real. No longer are you just some guy on the other end of the phone, or some screen name attached to an IM message.  All of a sudden, you're her real, live, flesh and blood boyfriend. I’m willing to bet that, along with the all the pressures and stressors involved in LDR's, scared her; perhaps she’s afraid of getting hurt or maybe she’s simply unwilling to put in the tremendous effort LDR’s require.

Whatever her reasoning, one thing is certain – you do not deserve to be treated this way. Communication is a huge part of a relationship. Without it, you’ve got nothing! And this girl, rather than talk through her feelings with you and engaging you in discussion about why she doesn’t think the relationship will work (or, trying to figure out ways together TO make it work), is actively ignoring you, instead! Beyond all else, that’s just rude. Do you really want to be with someone who refuses to talk to you? Someone who doesn’t respect you or your feelings enough to at least tell you WHY she no longer wants to date?

Here’s the thing – I always say you’ve got to demand your respect. Don’t settle for being treated in any manner less than you deserve, and that, my friend, is the best. That’s right, you deserve nothing but the best.

Why pine after a girl who’s not even a smidgen worthy of you when you can have an incredible woman who will love you for the awesome man you are? And even better? You don’t have to do the long-distance thing – I bet there are a plethora of kind, attractive, respectful, women right outside your front door (who will return your phone calls, letters and SMS messages!).

Go find ‘em!

Good luck!

Marissa

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