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"After he said "I love you" things got weird"


Me and my boyfriend dated for about 3 months but were somewhat together for about a year. Everything was great for 2 and a half months and then one night he had been drinking and told me he loved me. After that he started acting really weird; ignoring me when I was around and not kissing me goodbye. He never called me and when I saw him he just looked at me with sad eyes. It was like we weren’t even together. I even asked him if he wanted to break up and he didn’t answer me. He is a really tough guy and doesn’t show emotion very much.

His best friend told me to break up with him because he wasn’t gonna change and he wasn’t gonna break up with me. The only reason I did was because I thought that was what he wanted. I still don’t know why he was acting the way he was and I am scared to talk to him because I don’t want to look stupid.

What do you think was wrong with him? How do I approach him?

12 Jan 2005
Name: Jessica
Age: 17

Dear Jessica,

Mr. Tough Guy freaked himself out when he realized that he has a soft spot…and you’re it.

Isn’t it amazing what a few beers can do? Even though he probably felt it before that night, he was able to tell you he loved you while he was drunk because when we’re intoxicated, often times, we lose that helpful little ability to think before we speak! I’m willing to bet that the next (sober!) day when he realized what he said, even though he meant it, he got scared.

After all, your tough guy has an image to protect. He can’t be seen as all mushy and lovey-dovey or else his reputation will be ruined! So what does he do? Instead of acting on his feelings and showering you will love and affection, he shut you out and treated you with contempt. Ever seen Grease? Think Danny the first time he sees Sandy at the pep rally. Even though he loves her, he can’t let his real feelings be known because then all his friends will know he’s not such a tough guy after all; anyone with the capacity for love can’t be all that hard, right?

So what do you do now? Nothing. Even though it’s true that he’s probably still very much in love with you, if he can’t treat you with the respect you deserve, or own up to his feelings, then he’s too immature (not to mention lacking in self-confidence) to be your boyfriend!

You deserve to be with a self-assured guy who will shout your praises to the rooftops whether he’s had a virgin (without alcohol) daiquiri or a real one!

Good luck!

Marissa

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