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"He treats me like dirt but I stay"


I donít want to let go of my boyfriend. I talk about him constantly and I know it's starting to annoy everyone. I care so much about him and he treats me like dirt, so why do I still want to be with him? I gave him my number and he never called, I asked his sister why he doesn't call me and if he's always busy. She says that I never gave him my number and that he's not always busy. We never spend time together out of school, and when I ask to visit him, he makes up an excuse.

Why does he have to hurt me so much? I havenít done anything wrong. I think that I am afraid of never finding another guy again and that's probably why I donít want to let him go. I know there's more fish in the sea but I donít know if there could be one for me.

I know that letting go of him is best for both of us, but I donít want to....I think he's waiting for me to break us up because he doesn't want to give me more pain. Iím always the one trying to make us work in the relationship. He totally ignores and runs away from our issues and problems and expects me to fix it, which I always do.

I want to break up with him, and every time I get the chance to, I never do. Why does it have to be so hard? Why do I want to be with someone who doesnít even care about me? Sometimes I hate him, but deep inside I really do care and kind of love him. Help.

19 June 2006
Name: Amy
Age: 15

Dear Amy,

Move on!

I know this is hard to hear, but this guy does not deserve you. You say he treats you like dirt, doesnít give any effort when it comes to your relationship and hurts you time and time again Ė Iím having a hard time understanding what you see in this guy.

Perhaps you love the idea of him Ė you love that you have a boyfriend. Thatís totally normal.I canít tell you how many guys Iíve stayed with longer than I should have simply because I enjoyed the idea of being in a relationship far more than I actually enjoyed the relationship itself (not good!). Its okay, we all do it. But itís important to realize it and end things when the relationship turns sour. And Amy, him making you feel terrible about yourself definitely counts as Ďsouringí.

Youíve got to demand your respect! By allowing your boyfriend to treat you so badly youíre saying to him (and yourself), ďIím not worth very much. Feel free to treat me like crap and Iíll still hang around.Ē Basically your boy knows he doesnít have to respect you or treat you with kindness in order to hang on to you, so why then would he go out of his way to treat you right when he knows he can get away with practically ignoring you? He dismisses you and acts like heís not even your boyfriend!

Wouldnít you rather be with someone who is so proud to be your boyfriend he shouts it to the rooftops?!

I know youíre afraid youíll never find someone again, but let me assure you that thatís just not true. I was 15 once and I too had the same feeling after I ended things with a boyfriend. I thought I was destined to be alone forever! But since then Iíve seen many guys come and go from my life, and each relationship has taught me something very important about myself and the way I deal with relationships.

And the same will happen for you Ė the truth of the matter is you have your whole life ahead of you. Life doesnít begin, or end, at 15! Youíre going to date (and date and date and date), and like me, each subsequent relationship will further teach you things about yourself as well as the types of guys youíre interested in and what youíre looking for in a relationship.

Good luck!

Marissa

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