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"I don't know how to express my affection"
My boyfriend and I have been going out for nearly three months and I like him a lot. Even though I have strong feelings for him its VERY hard for me to actually show or share my feelings for fear of getting hurt (and fear of him not feeling those things for me and me sounding obsessed). I know it's dumb because were already together but still.
He isn't really the kind of guy that will constantly tell me how much I mean to him because I guess he's sort of like me. It goes down to the fact that I cant even call him "baby" or "sweety" because I think its gonna sound weird or nerdy.
Please help me find a way to telling him or maybe writing him a note expressing my affection.
I know this problem might sound juvenile but I really want to change.
18 Sept 2006
Fear not! Your problem doesn't sound dumb at all. I've been there – in fact, who hasn't? At one time or another we've all been fearful of showing the person we like (even if he or she happens to be our significant other) how we truly feel. It all goes down to what you said – we're afraid to shower our love interest with all the affection we feel for them because we don't want to scare them away.
And to a degree, it's okay to hold back. For instance, when I was in 7th grade I was madly in love with this boy, and told him everyday, and in every way possible, how I felt. From letters to poems to phone calls to song dedications on the radio, the poor boy didn't just know how much I cared, he probably felt toppled and trapped by the the intensity of my love! So, as you can see, there is a line we probably shouldn't cross – sometimes it's okay to hold back a bit. We certainly don't want to overwhelm or frighten away the object of our affection!
That being said, doing the opposite – not showing any love at all – isn't going to secure us our lover's heart, either. So the answer, then, lies somewhere in the middle. It's not about constantly barraging your boyfriend with "ooh baby's" and "ooh honey's", but rather, it's about showing him how you feel, in ways that feel comfortable and right to you.
Showing someone we care about them is a very personal and subjective thing – I can't tell you exactly how to go about doing it, but it's really all a matter of acting how you feel. Don't be forced about it. There's no need to plan out how to show, or tell him, your feelings. Just act on them! For instance, when I care about someone, without even thinking about it, I do nice things for them. If I see a book at the store I know they've been wanting, I might pick them up a copy. Or if I know they've had a hard day, perhaps I'll surprise them with a caring card or a home-cooked meal. It's the little things we do that mean the most. We don't have to make grandiose declarations
just to demonstrate how we feel.
And above all, what's important to remember here is that just as you
choose to be with your boyfriend, so too he chooses to be with you! He doesn't have to be in a relationship with you, but he wants to! So you don't have to try so hard to let him know you like him and stress so much about scaring him away with your feelings. After all, the very reason we enter into relationships in the first place is because we feel strongly about the person we're with. So odds are, he already knows how much you care, and in turn, feels the same about you!