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"Is it wrong to wait around for him?"

I have a crush on a guy, who has a girlfriend. Now I know you've heard this lot. I like him; he flirts with me all the time. Before he had a girlfriend he put himself out there for me, and I didn't see he was doing that until after he decided to go back out with his crush.

Now, I'm a nice girl, I still flirt with him, and he likes it, he flirts back, and it is like we are going out when we are together at school, until his girlfriend comes into the picture. I've liked this guy for 2 years and I don't want to get over him. I want to be right there when he breaks up with his girlfriend. Is this the wrong thing to do?

12 June 2006
Name: Hopelessly Devoted
Age: 16

Dear Hopelessly Devoted,

While I canít tell you whatís wrong and right, what I do know is this: You can wait and wait and wait, and maybe he will break up with his girlfriend and choose you instead, but he also might not. And if thatís the case, it seems to me all your waiting around for this guy will have been a colossal waste of your time.

Answer me this Ė are you really content to put your life on hold while your crush is out there living his? Because what I hear from you is youíre unwilling to move on from him and date other guys, but in the meantime what you have to remember is this guy is NOT doing the same for you!Heís got a girlfriend!  And sure, he flirts with you and makes you feel like his number 1, but quite honestly, the role of number 1 belongs to his girlfriend.

And maybe he truly does want to be with you, but then, why is he still with her? If itís because heís too scared to end things with her, then do you really want to be with someone so cowardly? And someone who would so easily give a relationship with you up (or put it on hold) because for whatever reason he refuses to end things with his girlfriend?

It just doesnít seem altogether right to me. Iím sure there are mutual feelings involved here and I donít doubt that you two have great chemistry, but even so, I donít think putting your life off to wait around as he lives his, is fair. What about your happiness and your needs?

Perhaps in time he will end things with his girlfriend and realize youíre the one he wants to be with. But I suggest living your life in the process. Date other guys, hang out with friends, and generally just do your thing. And if youíre still single and interested when, and if, he comes around, fantastic! But if not, then something tells me youíll be better off without him.

Good luck!

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