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"I've been waiting for him to ask me out for so long now"

There's this guy I've been crushing on since 8th grade. At first, I never thought I would fall for him, but I ended up doing so anyway. He ended up falling for me too. Now, we're in 10th grade and still nothing has happened between us. I wait everyday hoping he would do something, but it's me that always ends up approaching him trying to start a conversation. He does absolutely nothing or he doesn't really try that hard! Plus, I see him and other girls hugging all the time too! I think it's meant as a greeting between friends, but still when I see it, I feel it's somehow more than that.

Also, whenever there are dances at my school, I always wait around hoping he would ask me, so I go to those alone. When I arrive, I see him with a date, while I go dateless. It's really frustrating having to wait for him to make some type of move. I know that we both do like each other, but waiting for him to actually approach me is tough and I really do want to go with someone for the dances.

30 Jan 2006
Name: Frustrated
Age: 15

Dear Frustrated,

My question to you: why are you waiting around for him to ask you to school dances or out on dates, when you could just as easily ask him?

As girls, we’re so programmed to think it’s the guy’s job to ask us out, so we sit around waiting, pining, waiting, hoping and waiting some more for them to get up the guts to finally pursue us!  We sit by the phone in eager anticipation for his call; we go dateless to school dances because the guy we were hoping would ask us didn’t; we stand near his locker on the chance that maybe, just maybe, he’ll say “hi” when he passes.

If we girls are so intelligent, why do we do this? Why do we give away all our power? If we want something – such as, a guy – then why can’t we just go after it?

If something else in your life were bugging you, what would you do about it? You’d make it better, right? You’d find a way to change your situation. So…why can’t you do the same thing here? As it turns out, you can and you should!

Not sure how? No problem! I’m here to tell you.

First things first, it’s all about confidence! Confidence is the single most attractive quality that we as human beings can possess. Think about it, you probably aren’t attracted to boys who are uber-bashful and easily intimidated, right? But a guy who’s self-assured and isn’t afraid to be himself is a total catch. Well, the same goes for you! Guys love girls who believe in themselves. So what happens if you’re not quite at a ten on the scale of self-confidence?  Fake it till you make it!

Now it’s time to take some action – with an abundance of confidence (either real or fake), walk right up to your crush and start a conversation. And once you get the dialogue flowing, ask him out!

If you’re too nervous to hang out with him on a one-on-basis, don’t fret. Throw a party, instead! Plan a fun, little get together for you, your friends, your crush and some of his friends. Not only will he be flattered to receive the invitation, but it will create a fantastic opportunity for the two of you to get to know one another better in a social setting, outside of school!

And if parties aren’t really your thing, why not plan a group outing and invite your crush along? You could organize a picnic in the park and have each of your friends bring a different food item, gather your posse and check out the latest exhibit at your local museum or get your competitive juices going by coordinating a girls-against-guys softball game. These are just a few ideas, but group get-togethers are great because they’re social, pressure-free and fun.

If you’re worried about asking your crush to hang, don’t be; guys find it totally flattering when we girls approach them. So often guys have to do all the work; they have to make all the first moves including talking to us, asking us out, paying for dates, etc.  I guarantee you that any time we take some of this (albeit fun) burden off their backs, they’re thrilled.

So right here, right now, deprogram yourself. If you want something in life – even if that something happens to be a dreamy guy – it’s up to you to go for it. Absolutely no more waiting around! This is your life, so take control!

Good luck!

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