I am fidgety, nervous. My hand slips down to my cell phone for about the twentieth time in the last half-hour. Why hasn’t she called? Do I have reception? Is my ringer on?

Inside my mind is a jumble of different thoughts. Half-truths and cliches do battle in an endless competition to win over my ego. Paranoia fights confidence, desperation fights pride.

This dating game is killing me. Slowly but surely my confidence is being eroded away by the nonsensical self-destruction and deprecation that is the result of not knowing the rules, not playing the game.

I don’t know how things have always been here. I don’t know whether the dating game has always been the minefield of ego-wrenching, soulless garbage that it is today. I don’t even know whether things are different here, in sunny, so-so-perfect So-Cal, than they are in the rest of America. I’m from England, I’ve been here for 6 months and I’m a beginner at this game. Still learning the rules.

I have found that California is a land bursting with excess. Supply so outstrips demand here that its effects are reflected in almost every strata of society. Witness the S.U.V’s, as superfluous as the enormous biceps one sees bursting out of every other Pacific Beach vest. Witness the stacks of application forms piling up in every Gaslamp bar and restaurant. Witness the lines at the bars, the rudeness of the bouncers, the arrogance of the bar staff. In California, you are not important, you are expendable, you are in excess.

And the singles know it. For around every corner is a new beauty, a new chance, a new level of glamour and excitement. For every date there is another phone call. For every phone call another lewd night. For every night another ignored message left on a cell phone’s voice mail.

So how do we deal with this excess? What is the natural conclusion to be drawn from this overwhelming surplus of young, fresh attraction? The answer is: we treat each other like shit. Single men and women out there, I ask you: How many times have you been left jaded and upset when that girl or guy who was so receptive, so friendly the last time you met doesn’t call or fails to turn up for a date? At the same time I ask, how many times have you ignored a date? Ignored a call? Ignored a scrawled phone number on the back of a bar mat?

You see, these are the rules. This is the game we play. This is the mess we have got ourselves into. And it is making us unhappy. And I think we should call an end to it for once and for all. In the same way that young people are protesting around the world at the injustice and prejudice we see all around us, we should not forget our own doorstep. If we are to look at the world, to assess what is wrong with the way society has adapted and evolved, we should not overlook the development of personal relationships as an essential element of our society.

The way we treat each other reflects more than the simple abundance of single, attractive people in this city. It reflects something deeper about the way we view ourselves; it is a spotlight into our social structure.

It seems that we have become so obsessed with our own importance, and the egocentric pursuit of experience and self-gratification, that we now see each other as mere accessories to our own lives, and not as real people at all. We measure each other’s values in terms of attractiveness or wealth or that intangible mysticism called ‘cool’. Consequently, a decision whether to call or not to call is made by assessing the value the person you are calling has to your own ego, your own life. We see each date, each meeting, as a potential source of self-confidence, a coal for the fire of aplomb we all keep alight inside us.

The other side of this grubby coin is the ‘aloofness factor’. It has become essential to portray at all times an image of nonchalance. It seems that we must constantly remind aspiring dates that they are in heavy competition, and must maintain a steady stream of ego-nourishing contact, a call here, a message there, in order to win over our precious time.

The obvious dilemma here is that each of the players of this game is playing by the same rules. Each side is aware of the value the other side holds for them, but each side must also firmly maintain the aloofness factor. This creates an obvious conflict of interests because the truth is that we are not the aloof, cruel creatures we are being trained by society to become. At least, I’m pretty sure we’re not.

I’m pretty sure of this because the basic tenets of human relationships are lacking in this whole equation. Certainly the fuelling of our own egos is one of the primary reasons for building relationships, but many other fundamental factors are missing. What about caring for people? What about sharing experiences? What about Love?

What about love? Does love as a concept really survive in this modern society, or has it been thrown to the discard pile along with politeness and job security and morality? Are we really trying to convince ourselves that we can continue as a society without the concept of love, with only sex and ego to prop up our relationships.

Of course sceptics will argue that the concept of ‘love’ is merely an amalgam of other emotions, but the important point here is not that the foundation of the concept of love is disappearing, but that its acceptance as a legitimate concept in today’s society is no longer tenable. This is a serious issue. Not just because it’s killing me.

I therefore implore all of San Diego’s singles to rise up and fight this erosion of a fundamental aspect of our society. Don’t play by the rules! Stay true to your instincts. If you are into a girl or a guy, let them know. Give them a call. Don’t wait 3 days or not answer that call. Just be honest. And if you are feeling that gnawing at your guts, that introspective, chaotic jumble of emotions that used to be called ‘love’, don’t ignore it because it isn’t likely to go away. Pursue it. Together we can break the rules. Together we can make ourselves happier.