The Messy Travellers back on the road - Part 1
Well bugger me with a ladyboy what a week. This is literally the first hour I've had to spare since we got here last Saturday. So much to tell you so deep breath here we go...
Minor drama at Heathrow checking in as Nial had packed a case of Stella and his entire back catolgue of "Just Jugs Monthly" as reading material for the plane. Not surprisingly he was double the limit allowed for baggage so along with other non-essentials like passport, insurance docs and flight tickets they had to be dumped. A few pre-flight Stella's in the bar (just like an ordinary Friday night really...) and we were off.
Touched down and found our hotel about 5pm (6 hours ahead out here) Saturday, dumped stuff and met our 12 person tour group consisting off us 3, an American lass (Hughesy/Marwoof - the yank lass' cousin is a model & married to Jurgen Klinnsmann!!) and 8 Aussies!! oh and our tour leader bloke - a Thai bloke called Tee - drinks like a fish so with ingredients like that out first night out was bound to end up messy...began in a restaurant where the biggest decision was not what Thai food to order but which beer to opt for - Chang is 6.4 percent and Singha 6.0!! - moved on to a bar where the Hairy but Groovy Englishman suggested us all chipping in for a bottle of Tequila and pretty much lights out after that, apprently we went to a nightclub where I very vaguely remember seeing the England game on a giant screen and a fountain in the middle of the club, was particularly worried when I woke on Sunday and found a card with the address of t! he Bangkok Medical Centre in my back pocket!!
Sunday we hired a longboat and did some sightseeing along the Bangkok river watching the river people go about their daily lives living literally on the waters edge, went and saw the 45 foot reclining Buddha at Wat Po as well as the Grand Palace, hangover was just easing by the time we boarded the overnight train North to Chang Mai on Sunday night. Quick swim in the pool at the hotel before more temple spotting and visiting the silk and gem factories, was presently surprised at how clean Bangkok was but found Chang Mai much cleaner and the air purer as we're out in the sticks a bit. Wandered round the night market before stumbling on a row of bars just behind it, numerous ladies tried to coax us into their establishments using the old 'tits in your face and grab your bollox' routine but being strong willed men we made it until the second bar before we finally succumbed under the pressure. Loads of drinking games, the ladyboy barman/woman took a fancy to Nial and insi! sted on having his photo taken with him and I was happy to oblige!! - I'll nick the picture off his laptop and send it to you all!! he's hidden it at the mo can' think why?...night finished with a card game where the loser gets covered with flour!! Groover's tip - it's a bloody nightmare trying to hail a tuk-tuk when you're covered in flour!!
Next day we began our 3 day 30 mile jungle trek and what turned out to be easily the trip higlight so far. Truck took us out of Chang Mai and into the mountains where we began, bloody hard work to be honest - think it was unfitness and staring at the Aussie girls arse in front but somehow Nial always seemed to be last! - the spectacular views and sense of achievement when we made it to our base for the night - the hill tribe village - made it completely worthwhile. Felt a strange sense of unease walking around the village of people who are living in the middle of nowhere to escape people like us but either way we must have gained their trust as they came over with their children to our bamboo huts and told us their history and let us join in some of their traditional dances. I bailed out after stepping on this little kids foot for about the 18th time in the dancing...
Next day was even better. We trekked for 4 hours to an elephant camp where we had lunch and then 'boarded' our elephant for the hours's journey to our next hilltribe village. I swear I heard the elephant say "bloody hell you're having a laugh" as me & Nial prepared to climb aboard, sensing this our local guide put me in with Ads instead and Nial with one of the Aussie lasses. Basically the elephant trip was fantastic, incredibly they took us along thinner mountain tracks with very steep slopes that we had previously trekked on, I had doubts about how long our 15 year old driver had had his elephants driving licence but he assured me he'd been riding elephants since he was 5!! I also took plenty of stick from the rest of the group as our elephant made the whole journey with a massive erection...that's Thai aftershave for you I suppose!
Elephants dropped us off at our second hilltribe village - the Lisu people - which was much larger (about 200 people), Groovers Football Tour of the World continued as I assembled a Brit/Aussie team and played football with a few of the local boys, I wont tell you the score but suffice to say I remember one lad (aged about 10) nutmegging me at least 5 times...trust me give it 15 years & Thailand will be a good bet for the World Cup on this showing!! After a quick swim in the river a couple of the Lisu tribesmen told us stories and their history and generously gave us two bottles of their 60 percent rice whisky. In a massive cultural exchange we er...tought them drinking games!!
Didn't feel too bad the next morning which was fortunate as we were bamboo rafting back to our starting point two days earlier. Bloody great fun riding the rapids with just poles of bamboo to guide us, made all the more exciting as our rucksacks were tied to the back!! We returned to Chang Mai for a well earned Thai massage. I opted for the traditional (painful) one as opposed to the oils and scented one. After an hour of pummelling, twisting me in positions I'd only ever seen in the Kama Sutra and generally clicking bones and stretching muscles I never knew I had I actually walked out feeling 100 percent relaxed and completely revigorated. Being a Thai massage I couldn't resist at the end enquiring with a nudge nudge wink wink about 'any extra's'??, this however was replied to with a polite but firm "Phuk Yoo"...ah well worth a go
Celebrated the end of the trek with a meal (at the Riverside restaurant Ria!!) and a few beers before an early start for a Thai cooking class the next day. Felt a bit ropey when we went to the market to get our ingredients and hung around the fish & meat market for what seemed like hours but really enjoyed the cooking once we got started on a our 7 course meal of Fish Soup, Red and Green Curry, Pad Thai Rice with Chicken stir fry, spicy beef salad with glass noodles finished off with water melon and banana spring rolls. Surprisingly my efforts were edible and very tasty and I was also very impressed with the reponse time of the Thai Fire Brigade when it came to me cooking my stir fry too...
We then borded the overnight train back to Bankok before arriving back this morning (Saturday). In about an hours time we'll meet the 5 people to replace the 5 who've gone home as we now move down south to Khao Sok National Park and then on to the beaches at Koh Samui and Koh Tao.
Nial's put a load of photo's on his laptop but won't be able to get them to you until we get to Oz in a couple of weeks time, anyway apologies for such a long e-mail for starters but it's been a busy week!!
Hope you're all well, slightly concerned about the Bali bombing & I gather another one has just gone off in the Phillipines - let's hope they stick to Eastern Asia...in truth we're probably more at risk from one of Captain Galle's Regiments wayward bombing practises...
Cheers,
Hairy
Grooves
